Sunday, December 27, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
remember, at the doctor's office, the clipboard lady? (if not, click the link to read the story)
well, we are getting quite the reputation at the doctor's office.
Last week i went to tyler and while there, i got VERY sick. i came down with the stomach bug from hell. its really bad. no fever, nothing except throwing up continually. its soooooooo bad. i had to get shots of zofran to make the nausea stop just so i could function. on saturday i finally felt well enough to drive us back to college station.
we had a routine appointment for lockett at the doctors office monday morning. I got up, felt totally normal, and was excited to be home, everyone was healthy, i was ready for a normal week. i loaded the boys in the car and headed to lockett's appointment.
i was driving down hwy 6 when harrison says, "mom, i am gonna be sick." i thought -oh please NO! i told him to close his eyes and breath slowly that i couldnt pull over on hwy 6. (it scares me to death to be on the side of a hwy). harris says, "no mom, i am gonna be sick NOW!" i quickly pull over to the shoulder and jump out and run like a crazy woman around the car, jerk the door open just in time to catch the first load of throw up in my hands. and it just keeps comin. i pull him out of the car and there, on the side of the highway harrison and mommy are standing..... harrison is soooo sick. he got throw up all over his car seat, his clothes, me, his deetdeet (his linus blanket) it was just everywhere. and i was quickly feeling sick myself.
I stripped his shirt off there on the side of the road (much to his horror) and did my best to clean up. the only thing i had was a package of dried up wipes. so, we drove straight to the doctor appointment and harrison had to walk up to the office shirtless. he was so mortified. he used lockett's blanket to cover up with and lockett was screaming his head off in protest of this violation of his blanket. i was covered in throw up. we were quite a sight. and just guess who greets us....... the clipboard lady. yeah for me. yeah for this crazy life. my boys are gonna owe me BIG time.
heres a picture of our halloween costumes:
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
It started in September. I flew to New York, drove to Massachusetts, then came home for 1 day, then to tyler, then home for 1 day, then to Roundtop to work for 10 days. During the 10 day work gig i left my boys with their Nina. they LOVED staying with her and let me say this: it was weird being single and childless for 10 days. When i worked in roundtop i stayed in a little rental house and worked 10-12 hour days.
I missed my boys and Tim alot but it was such a great time. I got to live with my sister during those days (like we did in college!) and it is a VERY good thing to miss your kids. I decided shortly before i left to work that i NEEDED to miss them. :)
I had a lot of time to reflect (there was no Internet or tv) and i did alot of thinking. Mainly i had the opportunity to think about life without kids. There was no drama, no freak-outs, no daily humiliation. yes, humiliation. everyday i wake up i fear what will happen today to horrifically embarrass me. like, leaving my child at walmart, or spilling paint everywhere, cuss words coming from my 4 year old., etc...... I started to wonder why I have to be daily embarrassed by my kids (though the joys are daily also... why cant it ALL be joy??!) I began to wonder what i needed to learn and why God feels i hadnt learned it yet. then, thank you Lord, the opportunity provided itself for me to see that i hadnt learned much of anything.
I was at a friends wedding and I was doing my best to control my WILD 1 year old. he wasnt being loud, he was just moving all over the place. he didnt want to be held so i walked to the back of the wedding and placed him on the ground and he began to play happily with rocks. he toddled here and there all far away from the wedding and i thought, not being an issue. WRONG! after a few moments a woman came over to me and asked me to "control my child". The tongue lashing that i wanted to give was of EPIC proportions. Instead of a gentle and calm answer i wanted to shout, "IF I KNEW HOW TO DO THAT LADY, I'D WRITE A BOOK AND BE A MILLIONAIRE!". instead, i picked Lockett up and went to the parking lot. yep, a sweet friends wedding spent in the parking lot. I began to secretly congratulate myself on what an amazing sacrificial christian i was. bull malarkey. It began to dawn on me that God cared about what my heart was feeling not just what i did or said. yes, it was a minor victory that i kept my mouth shut (some of you who know me would say miracle) but it has finally penetrated this thick skull that God doesnt just want a clamped shut mouth. he wants a kind, forgiving heart.
so, the work continues. :)
here's a photo of where i spent my 10 days working:
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
things that you love right now are: robots, transformers, the movie BOLT, your cousins, the BOUNCE, musical instruments (especially drums!), deetdeet, your little bubby "wocket" or "rocky", and building forts.
some of my favorite memories with you are traveling to maine, watching your eyes light up as you see the ocean, and you really liked Bar Harbor (this year especially cause Campbell came with us), you also loved New York and eating wings at Anchor Bar. (your very favorite food is wings).
i love you and i love who you are growing to be. i cant wait to spend many years together sharing memories and laughing together. harrison, your dad and i are so blessed that God chose us to be your mom and dad. you and lockett are the most valuable things in the world to us.
Happy Birthday Harris. i love you.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
I had a project i needed to accomplish. mistake #1.
I worked really hard all day to get everything ready and prepared and perfect for me to accomplish a labor intensive project.
to complete my project i needed to run a quick errand. mistake #2. (there are no quick errands with babies)
i decided it was well within my ability to run to lowes with harris, lockett, and tim in tow. mistake #3.
we went in and not two seconds past the "oh i want that new grill!" isle, we came to the paint section. all i needed was white paint. i assumed it would be quick, easy, not complicated or in need of customer service help. mistake #4.
just as i am finding what i might need, i hear, "momma, i gotta poop." ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!?? tim says, "its ok, i got this. come on harris, lets go find a potty." mistake #5.
so i continue my hunt. i needed 2 cans of a white paint that lowes only had 1 of. ugh. i put the one can in the buggy with lockett. mistake #6.
lockett promptly picks up the large paint bucket and hurls it at the floor. before my horrified eyes i see the bucket hit the floor and paint go in EVERY direction.
i was speechless. customer service help now required. as we wait for help to clean up, "huge paint spill, isle 7" tim and harrison walk up. tim looks shocked. he says "are you serious?! well all i can say is, who was watching the baby??!"
tim stops and leans in and says, "i have poopy underwear in my pocket." i cannot wrap my mind around these words so i search for understanding. Tim says, "yep. harris is going commando and we gotta go." ugh again.
i desperately grab any two cans of white paint and head for the check out. (clean up on isle 7 is occurring with many onlookers).
later that night, about 11pm when we are gathered with friends laughing and talking, tim puts his hand into his pocket and in front of everyone pulls out the forgotten poopy underwear.
this is my life.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
today you are 1 year old. i cannot believe how quickly the time has flown by. it seems like yesterday we were told you had to be delivered a month early. we were so worried about you. we prayed alot and God gave us a wonderful, healthy, strong boy. this year you have learned so much. you have learned to feed yourself, crawl, pull yourself up, and some sign language.(you know how to say "more" and "all done!"). your favorite words are momma, daddy, ball, monkey (-your favorite stuffed animal who is stinky and a bit gross but you love him dearly), hi, and bye.
you have brought us tremendous joy and tons of laughter. you are so laid back, easy going, and are always game for whatever (or wherever) we are up to.
we celebrated your birthday at Nina and SuperD's. we had birthday presents and a cake. you were so tired by the time we got the cake out that you got angry and cried because cake got on your fingers and never actually ate any of your own birthday cake! :)
you share your birthday with your dad. we celebrated his birthday also. he got steaks, grilled stuffed onions, and a german chocolate cake for his birthday. he loves sharing his birthday with you. he always says, "i got the best birthday present. i got a son."
lock, happy birthday. you are very special to us and we look forward to many years together.
Monday, July 6, 2009
though, i do believe i deserve a medal. or maybe a sash (kinda like a beauty queen one), or maybe a badge. a certificate in the very, very least. not because i was so successful that i should write a book, but because i have the stamina of a stinkin penguin!
why a penguin you ask?? then you didnt see March of the Penguins. those animals are serious! walking all that way for months starving to death. so determined. so isolated.
659 days. thats how long we potty trained. 659. six hundred. fifty. nine. of the longest hardest days of my life. for those who've never potty trained it is unexplainable how potty training can wear you out, and absolutely devastate everything in its path. (carpet, sofas, beds, moms, dads, siblings,....)
its funny. one day you are fine with wiping poop off a bottom, cooing, playing with the baby on the changing table. then magically, one day, the genius decision is made to put hokey, disney-themed, over-priced, underwear on them and suddenly, poop- not so funny anymore.
i have never cried so hard, prayed so long, or been so utterly lost for a solution in all my life. trust me.. therapy, counselors, camp, grandparent drop off, and hired help- all seriously considered.
so friends and family, i now, (Lord, please dont let me regret this) declare, my almost 4 year old is.......POTTY TRAINED.
for those in the midst of the march, hang on. there is an end. i offer no solutions, only the prayer of mom who fully understands the heartache, frustration, fury, and tears.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
we've been gone a month. we left for new york june 3 to see tims parents and play music. new york was fabulous and the buffalo wings up there, are well, the best. (wings n more has got it for the south but up there, the anchor bar and duffs. wow)
we got to see Niagara falls (this time with tim AND aaron!), went to the zoo, we made day trips to canada (gorgeous!) and with dale and kathy keeping the kids, tim and i got to go on a few dates!
we left buffalo new york and drove through the finger lakes region, through ithaca, stopped at taughnanook falls, then albany and onto portland maine.
we met up with aaron (again) and the merrimans, and drove on to bar harbor maine. we rented a three story house, everyone had a room and it was in the center of town. it was wonderful! BUT the whole three story thing. Alright, by nature i am clumsy. thats been recorded and documented. however, i took it to a new level. i fell down the stairs 5 times. ouch. i pretty much lived on advil and everyone has their own diagnosis. depth perception, vision, blackouts, tiny strokes, and according to aaron, i just need to watch a video on how stairs are climbed. :)
we hiked all over acadia national park, went to sand beach, collected sea glass (and harris found an expensive knife!), shopped, ate, and had so much fun.
when we tried to fly home all air traffic had been grounded in newark so we sat in a tiny airplane with both CRAZY boys for 3 hours and ended up stuck on newark. we spent the night with no luggage, on our own dime (customer service. HA!).
we are home and dang the heat here! but we definitely had a wonderful time. here is a LENGTHY slide show but there are some great pictures!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
New plan. :) because the score, as I see it, is:
Computer-0. Harrison's butt- 1
So, a little heads up. HP seems to have overlooked butt proofing their laptops. What gives HP?
I DO have my iPhone so I can check emails and do some Internet related activities. Though in tiny and frustrating form. :)
Today we are heading to Portland Maine to pick up Aaron for the second time on this trip and my hope is he in all his superpowers and computer genius will somehow resurrect my laptop. :). Wishful thinking I am sure
So, Maine watch out here we come and we are packing a viciously powerful butt weapon.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
our guitar case now has a duct taped handle.
locket has two more teeth in his mouth.
the weather is mid 60s.. YES!
only one tumble down the stairs...i'll let you guys guess who.
guitar around the firepit, good food, friends and family. its just doesnt get any better. :)(aaron, come back!)
here's a look at tim in serious vacation mode.
you know theres fun being had when kathy lets out a laughter snort!
Sunday, May 31, 2009
they served some seriously amazing food. it was really nice to have all the band members together sitting down talking and eating and not playing or busy working.
the boys came with us- harris LOVES daniel and was excited to go to his "birthday party". harrison got to feed the fish, help blow out candles, LOVED the noodles and spring rolls, and had a really great time. tim and i played "pass the baby" with lockett the whole time because i just knew lockett would urp on or chew some priceless heirloom passed down for centuries. nope, we werent going to give him the slightest edge.
here are a few pictures i snapped while juggling babies. daniel, very nice. thank you.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
me and the boys went to tyler to forage. weird, i know. my sisters and i have always picked dewberries and blueberries and we are learning to use what God provides (for free!) to supplement our groceries. so, this week we picked dewberries, for pies, cobblers, and jam. the wild plums are also now ripe so we picked busket <--(what movie????) loads of wild plums and made jelly (they are NOT good to eat raw, they are very tart) but in jelly made with wine, oh holy cow! :)
we also scouted out massive amounts of wild BLACKberries (different from dewberries) and muscadine grapes (again, good jam!), wild strawberries, and blueberries (at a farm) and will pick them when they are ready.
harris and lock are great helpers except lockett eats more than he helps.
we also worked in our family garden. we have TONS of squash! and cucumbers. we are waiting for the tomatoes, bell peppers, cantaloupe, watermelon, pumpkins, peas, and peppers.... boy are we gonna have a haul! its been VERY helpful with the grocery bill.
here are some fun pictures from our foraging
i'd never seen the end of a rainbow before, but i snapped a picture of alyssa walking toward the garden and saw the rainbow behind her, we followed it and the end-ALL THE WAY TO THE GROUND- was right by our garden. seriously, really neat. no gold, but maybe our garden will be extra blessed. :)
Monday, May 18, 2009
We flew up to buffalo and let me tell you, harrison and lock both did great but holy jeeze! lockett is like a bear and i wrestled with him the entire flight. i felt like i had gone 10 rounds straight up WWF style. we got to buffalo and nana and pawpaw picked the boys up at the airport and i got a rental car and drove on to massachusetts.
in massachusetts i worked my tail off, it was probably the hardest week of work since i started this business. the weaker economy was really showing. after the first day working, i got back to the hotel and got very very sick. i was worried that i wouldnt make it back to texas on a plane with two boys! the next morning was bad but better so i bucked up and went back to work. i worked all day and again, sick that night. but the next day, after working part of the day, i drove "the 90" back to buffalo and picked up my boys. nana and pawpaw had kept the boys so happy and they were having a blast!
we stayed with nana and pawpaw saturday and got to see Niagara falls. all i can say is -wow. its funny, saturday was me and tims 10 year anniversary and i was at the falls by myself! thats totally on par for my life. a great milestone to celebrate, i get to niagara falls and my husband isnt there! :)
we spent the night with nana and pawpaw, then got up early and flew back sunday.
overall, i am EXHAUSTED, but we had a good time. sickness aside, it was a good, productive trip. but i am SO glad to be back in the south! no offense to those from the north, but we southerners do things a bit differently and quite frankly- i like it-. i struggled all week with a MONSTER little (big) boy and a QUICK 3 year old and i coulda been on fire and folks woulda (and did) walk around me up north. the second i got back into texas, i was struggling with a stroller on a shuttle and a sweet guy JUMPED up and picked up the entire stroller (lockett and all) and walked him off the shuttle and offered more help. he was a God send, and i was so happy to be back in the south!
here are some pictures from our trip.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
best part of this week has to be my sweet husband. he has launched the official "tara week". I have been tired and overwhelmed with motherhood lately and my precious husband noticed. he took action and every night this week he has planned something for me that i love. he has gone above and beyond every night to have SOMETHING for me that relaxes me, feeds me, and ministers to me. a couple of the things he's done has been have my most precious friends over to eat out on our deck and sit around and talk until the wee hours. he's been in overdrive taking the kids off my hands and he even -get this- took me and both my sisters out dewberry picking. ALL DAY. he drove us around in his 4wheel drive truck and chauffeured us around while we gave the orders. i mean, he even sat in the truck with lockett and kept him happy. how was i so blessed!?
we've had a good week and here are a few of the pictures.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
today was a special day. we had the kingdom kids mother's day tea. let me say, i think my stomach was in knots because the last kingdom kids mother event was so rough with harrison that i swore off all future program attendance. i came home after that last one and told tim he was on notice, never again would i attend by myself with two boys who were climbing walls. or more specifically UNDER TABLES. but i digress, TODAY i had the mother's day program so i put my big girl pants on and went anyway. AFTER i secured a babysitter for lockett :)
I arrived right on time and the kids came into the room and sang some songs and did a little tribute to moms. it was so sweet. BUT the very first thing they did was the teacher stood up and said, "we asked the kids some questions about their moms and we didnt censor ANY answers." enter sinking stomach.
the teacher began reading all the precious answers about their moms. all the answers were so sweet. the two questions i remember (and you'll see why) were:
1. when is your mom the prettiest?
2. when is your mom the funniest?
there were great answers like: when mom goes to church she is prettiest, and when mom is cooking, she is prettiest. or, when mom dances in the yard she is funniest, or when mom plays pretend with me she is funniest.
listen closely. here are harrison's answers:
so APPARENTLY, I sit around naked, watching tv, drinking starbucks all the time. nice. and the WHOLE church now knows. the truth is out. :)
heres a picture of harrison at the table where we sat together:
i had a great time anyway, harrison made me a potted plant and even with all the funny answers, i am the LUCKIEST mom on planet earth. thank you harrison! i love you. :)
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
we had a BLAST though. we got there a bit early and scoped it out. we had a map and we timed everything perfect. you know with tim, everything is a competition. we got some cotton candy first, which harrison hated, then quickly got the grab bag with the coveted (??!) wooden Easter egg (calling it a white house replica is quite a stretch though. i am SURE the white house wooden eggs dont have a huge BTU logo on the front), then registered for the prize drawing, then ran to the Easter egg "push and grab", then HIGH-TAILED it to get pictures with the Easter bunny, then back to listen for the prize giveaways. after they finished calling our kids' age range (or so we thought) we headed for the car and we got into the parking lot and almost to our car when tim and i both heard over the loud speakers, "next winner, Harrison Suel!". Tim was holding lockett who had fallen asleep but that didnt phase tim. he took off at a dead sprint (you have to be present to win), lockett was like a limp rag doll, but he made it in time to collect harrisons rather good prize winnings. they really did a fantastic job at the George Bush Library. I will say it was one of the best things we've done as far as being involved in city sponsored activities. really a wonderful time.
Monday, March 30, 2009
tara- what have i NOT been doing? getting over shingles, taking care of sick kids, running a home business, traveling, gardening, getting ready for tess' GIGANTIC sale, cleaning, the usual mom overload...
tim- pink eye in both eyes, teaching, getting ready for school plays, leading worship at grace, HOG hunting (blechh), mowing (it's that time again!), on his down time being dad to two wild boys....
harrison- the flu, kingdom kids, playgroup, hog hunting with his dad, fishing, playing hard...
lockett- the flu, double ear infections, learning to sleep through till 7am (yeehaw!), learning to crawl, sitting up, latest trick- "shake your head", loving helping me outside! being happy in almost every circumstance (what a blessing!)...
i thought you'd enjoy a picture i hastily snapped of some of the shenanigans. notice: lockett, tim, AND aaron.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
here is one of my favorite pictures. chris' face is priceless and zephanator, well, its just perfectly him.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
yes. tim got his gun. not without a lot of hoopla though. BUT i did get all of my front flower beds weeded and mulched! so, maybe i won afterall.
the whole gun thing has brought a really ridiculous obsession with it. even harrison is getting in on it. i have never seen so much camouflage, bullets, and trucker hats nor have i ever heard so much redneck talk in all my life.
what happened to my artistic, alternative musician?!? he did a bait and switch! now all i've got is a gun totin', camouflage wearin', spittin', redneck. Lord, help me.
oh, and there are pictures of tim with the gun. but i refuse to post them. maybe someday i'll use them for bribing. they are so so so redneck.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
it started yesterday with an innocent trip to the mailbox. i walked out to get the mail and there was a strange letter in the mail. upon checking it out, i realized it was a bill for over $5,000. YIKES! it was for a student loan. i thought, jeeze some poor soul accidently used my social security number and now owes them big. but, no big deal i will get it straightened out. i called. nope. no mistake.
when i was going to school to get my certification to be a teacher, i did so under a "teach for texas" grant. it paid for my schooling as long as i completed 5 years of teaching in a shortage area. i completed 2 years before i got pregnant with harrison and then quit teaching to stay home. SO, looks like they want their money. they did say, however, if i can prove i worked those 2 years they will reduce the amount. so, by golly, i am gonna prove it! i had to get forms filled out from all over town and my mind was quite preoccupied with the whole mess, so this morning i called on my precious friend Kimberly to sit with lockett while i ran all over town getting forms filled out and harrison was at kingdom kids.
so, i was running around town like a chicken with its head cut off (thats just a gross, strange expression) and at about 11 o'clock i came home to pick up lockett from kimberly so she could go to class. After feeding lockett i decided i had time to run into walmart to get a few things before picking up harrison. so, i ran in and put lockett in the buggy and did a mad dash sprint through walmart. the cashier had finished ringing up my purchases and i realized i didnt have my wallet. uggghh. i mean seriously!!. with the line building behind me i looked helplessly at her and just said, "i dont have my wallet. what do i do??" she said, "run go it and i'll wait." so i did just that. i took off running to my car which was WAY on the other end of the walmart parking lot. about halfway to my car i realized that i had left lockett in the buggy.
my biggest fear, my absolute worst nightmare is that i will leave or forget my children somewhere. and here i am. i had the biggest 'oh crap' moment of my life. i couldnt breathe. i immediately turned around and ran back into the store and saw the ladies just playing with lockett as if IT WERE NORMAL! i just about cried. i said, "oh my gosh! i left my baby here!!" they smiled and said, "oh, we thought you left him with us on purpose."
okay, let me take a step back here and pause. WHAT??!! do you know that tells me that someone has, at some time, INTENTIONALLY left a kid to be watched by a cashier before!!?!
i wanted to absolutely die. even though my embarrassment faded rather quickly, because the women didnt seem bothered a bit, i cannot tell you how horrific i felt. i should be fired as a mom. WHAT WAS GOD THINKING WHEN HE MADE ME A MOM!!??!! my most precious, most valuable treasure on planet earth and i left him in WALMART. holy jeeze.
i struggled with whether or not to share this story for a couple reasons.
1. i dont want anyone to think this is normal and
2. i dont like looking like an idiot.
but i decided to share this anyway because
1. my family and friends with several kids will hopefully laugh and understand and
2. my family and friends without kids need to know mistakes happen.
all we can do is learn and grow. and i honestly think that when mom-guilt attacks, it is our responsibility as members of the mom club to encourage, uplift and crush guilt attacks for each other. so, if anyone is feeling mom-guilt today or in the near future, just realize we all make mistakes and go ahead, think in your head, "at least i didnt leave my kid at walmart".
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Here is a link to see the gun he wants to purchase.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
but, i was left here with only one child. and my predominate thought?? what was i thinking when i thought ONE was hard? I remember, when harrison was a bitty baby, thinking that having one baby was hard. HA! i laugh at that now. what did i do with all that free time? one baby! but having only one child to take care of has been wonderful, easy, and we have had such sweet bonding time. i have pretty much been at locketts beck and call and he hasnt known what to do with me. he seems to be a lost sheep wondering around from room to room in his walker. he must be missing his fearless leader. with as much cheek smashing, body squishing, and karate chopping as lockett endures, he sure seems to miss his brother.
Monday, February 23, 2009
harrison said, "mom, i really think you are a beautiful girl."
i said, "thank you harrison. and i think you are a really smart boy."
he said, "i love you. will you marry me?"
i smiled, "harrison, i am already married."
his smile disappeared and he said, "oh. when?"
i said, "i married your dad. about 10 years ago."
harrison said, "really? well, was i there?"
I said, "no."
harrison smiled and said," i know. i was in your belly, right?"
I said, "no baby. you werent. your dad and i got married because we love each other and then we had you."
harrison said, "well, i guess that's okay."
here is some sweet "talk time" we had together while "arting" :)
Thursday, February 19, 2009
i went to tyler this week because i go once a month to be an accountant. one of the many hats i wear. i stay with my parents when i am there. during my visit i went to run errands with my mom. i had my two boys in my car in the backseat. they were, of course, securely strapped into their car seats. my parents live in a gated restricted estate community in the country. everybody knows everybody and all their business. as we drove up into my parents front circular driveway there was a woman walking down the road in front of my parents house. she had 7 large dogs with her. unbelievably, my mom did not know her. in this neighborhood everyone lets their dogs roam free. well the dogs were just roaming crazy. they were in my moms driveway, in her yard, in her flower bed. we drove up and got out of the car and my mom hollered at the woman to please get her dogs out of the yard because we were trying to get our kids out of the car. i mean, we couldnt even move- the dogs were all over us. as we had gotten out of the car i had left my driver side door open and my mom had left her door open. before we could react, one of the 120 pound sheep dogs had leaped into my car and headed for the backseat. i panicked and ran for the back door. i jerked the door open just in time to see the sheep dog about to stand on locketts face. i grabbed the dog and his hind legs and lifted with all my strength to keep him from scratching locketts face to pieces. the dog was enormous and his face was in harrisons face. harrison LOST it. he began screaming. as did my mom. my mom began some native american dance around my car screaming, "the babies, the babies, the babies!!!!" i yelled, "LADY! GET YOUR DOG OUT OF MY CAR!!!", as i held on for dear life to lockett. and let me tell you, a rage took over me. it was a holy momma rage. i was about to tear that dog limb from limb to save my babies. my mom got a hold of herself and with lightening speed unlatched harrison's flailing and screaming body and dragged him from the car. the lady was calmly walking over to the car. I finally was able to release the latch on the seat belt to get locketts car seat free and i pulled him out of the car. the dog was STILL IN THE CAR. the lady had FINALLY made her way to my side of the car. and, i admit it. i yelled at her, "GET YOUR DOG OUT OF MY CAR!!!". she calmly said, "honey, you dont need to be afraid of my dogs."
okay. seriously. i cannot communicate the level of my rage. again, in momma-rage mode, i yelled at the top of my lungs, "LADY. I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOUR DOGS. YOUR. DOG. WAS. STANDING. ON. MY. BABY'S. FACE!!!!!!". at this point the dog had gotten out of my car and she just looked at me and said, "i'll just stand here and let you say whatever it is you feel you need to say."
i was speechless. for about one nanosecond. she DID NOT want me to say what i wanted to say. so i yelled. "lady," and i motioned at all the dogs with my hands, "THIS is not healthy!"
i grabbed my babies and went into the house. i still wanted to tear the dogs into pieces. but more than that, i didnt get the lady's attitude. i mean. let me say this. everyone has off days. i get that. but in most cases, if you are the offender on one of those days, remorse goes a LONG way. had there been ANY remorse, or sorrow, or any hint that my child's FACE was important, it would've been a different story. so, maybe there is a moral here. i dont think i will easily forget this day. and i pray, that on the days that i am the offender -and there will be many- i PRAY i remember this day and show a little humility.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
one day i was coming inside my house from my garage and i was carrying lockett, who was sound asleep in my arms. he didnt even wake up when i pulled him out of the car seat. and harrison was right beside me dragging his linus blanket behind him. he was asking me a million questions and i entered into the laundry room with one hand free, balancing my bags and lockett, and punched in the code to my house alarm to disarm it. i took a few steps forward and right on top of harrisons darn blanket. he, not wanting to let go of it, stepped between my legs to free the blanket and i stepped sideways right onto locketts walker. the walker FLEW out from under my foot and sent me sailing. harrison scrambled, and i knew i was goin' down. i wrapped lockett up the best i could in my arms and landed squarely on top of the walker. it collapsed -no jokes please- and we went all the way down. my elbow came up to protect locketts head and i smacked the devil out of my elbow on our tile floor. as i cringed, i looked at locket to make sure he was okay. he was still tucked safetly in my arms, and he finally woke up and just grinned at me. i got up and surveyed the damage to the walker. it was a pile of rubble. flat as a pancake. i looked at harrison and he calmly walked over to the walker and kicked it hard. he said, "stupid walker". yep. he's a man.
so, i ached for days, but was glad to know my instinct was to protect my baby at all costs. oh, dont worry, when lockett is 16, i'll remind him daily that i sacrificed my body for him.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
when tim discovered he had a 103 fever sunday night i knew we needed to head to the doctor. by the time we got there monday morning tim and harrison were both running 103. lockett's fever was lower but he definitely sounded worse. so, we showed up for our "family appointment" at our doctors office. we see a family practitioner who has a small office but is wonderful! so, we get there and i go to pull out locketts latest shot record and hand it to the receptionist. she holds her hand out waiting. i dig and dig in the diaper bag and voila! i pull it out. it is soaking wet and in two pieces. i look sheepishly at the receptionist and say, "it must've gotten juice on it...or maybe lockett chewed in it..." she politely grins and quickly drops her hand and says, "just show it to the doctor." then she says, "do you have your new insurance card?" YES! that i have it is a miracle and i am glad to drop the whole soaking wet shot record subject. i reach into my bag and pull out my card. it is melted. literally. it is plastic and it is curled and wrinkled and barely readable. she gives me the fake smile and says,"did lockett chew on it too?". I said indignantly, "no. i left it on the toaster." as if it was perfectly normal. she gives me that patronizing smile and takes the card between her first finger and thumb. uggg... i go to sit down and she says, "wait. please fill out these forms on lockett." he hadnt been seen by them yet. i sighed and said,"are you sure you wanna give me that?" looking at the nice crisp new fancy clipboard. she just fake grinned me.
i started filling out the forms and, shocker, lockett urps all down my sleeve. i put the clipboard down and as i do, it breaks. i just about laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of that. i finished up the papers, attempted to Mcgyver the clipboard so it wouldnt be noticeable, but only made it worse. i resigned myself to facing "the grin" again and got up and walked over to the desk. i handed it to her and said."i warned you," as i handed her the four pieces of the clipboard. she just said,"is it you? who does this in your family?" i replied, "it's all of us. we just break things. my mom used to say it's cause i'm left-handed." i am not sure i buy that theory anymore but we cant test it. tim's lefty. i'm lefty, harrison is probably lefty... so who knows. we ended the visit with harrison throwing up in the doctors office. nice.
here's a look at how lockett dealt with the flu.
Monday, February 9, 2009
late last night, as i worked furiously at my business (at home) and everyone else was tucked safely away in their beds, i swallowed the jealously like a lump of coal in my throat and exhaustedly laid my head down on my hand-me-down kitchen table (thanks liz). the coolness felt good to my forehead. and i caught a glimmer of something shiny out of the corner of my eye. it was a piece of sea glass. i have a basket on my table thats full of the shiny pieces of treasures. immediately in my storm of exhaustion and frustration, that tiny piece of broken abused tossed out glass brought an instant smile to my face.
ive often been asked why i collect the broken pieces of glass and there are so many things that come to my mind when i am asked that. but what brought the smile to my face last night was the memories. the memories of scuttleing (its a word. i think.) down an embankment to get to the maine shore to collect the pieces. the laughter and excitement when a great piece was found. the memory of aaron fantasizing that the piece he just found came from a pirate wreckage. the fun of watching my family all love the maine coast and time together. i remember laughing as tim instead of sticking to the task at hand, began skipping rocks in ever increasing sizes. :) and harrison eating rocks as a baby and us wondering if the tide was coming in and how much time we had before our car parked on the sand BAR of BAR harbor would be under water in the atlantic. those little broken pieces of discarded trash brought such joy and memories and literally provided a pick me up when i needed it so badly.
thanks god, for such beautiful creations. only god would take broken shards of glass that were littered into the ocean and have the ocean and sand carve them into shiny jewels. kinda like us.
Friday, February 6, 2009
then theres tim. its isnt a meal without meat. breakfast. meat. lunch. meat. dinner. meat meat. i have learned to deal. cook it, and shove it aside on my plate.
well, recently tim has become obsessed (thats not a poorly chosen or exaggerated word-OBSESSED) with pigs. hunting them, watching them, tracking them, baiting them. you name it. wild hogs in texas are prolific, nasty, and destructive. and tim thinks its a good idea to hunt them and bring the meat home. which he does successfully(unfortunately). and harrison is LOVING it. he loves to go out and track them down and come home telling me all about it. but a 3 year old knows few boundaries. here is a recent conversation between me and harrison.
"hey mom, what meat is this?" harrison stabs at his lump of carcass on his plate.
i answer, "it's meat. harrison. just eat it."
he says, "yeah, but is it cow, or pig, or chicken?"
tim interrupts. "it's cow, baby. its beef. yummy!" (probably out of fear of my tainting harrison against meat)
i grimace slightly. harrison says, "who killed it? who shot it and cut it up on my plate?"
tim says, "it came from the store." and grins as both he and harrison continually stab their meat and take big bites.
i take my plate to the sink.
underneath it all there is a silver lining. its an easy diet for me. now, if i could just get the enormous bag of m&ms off the counter.
by the way, i am pretty sure thats pig poo hes laying next to.
i really believe this. we are a house of artists. the boys, artists by the fact that they are children. tim, the musician and song writer. me? well, thats a little harder to define. for those very few, very loved friends of mine, you've seen my art in the form of a handmade journal. or perhaps you've stumbled upon my hidden drawings. regardless, i have always wished i was an artist. and i think, if i were more childlike in my approach to art, you'd all get to see it. I hide it for fear of it being judged. but this week i attended my son's art show at grace. he couldnt have been more proud. he showed his art to me absolutely beaming. and i thought, it was the very best art i have ever seen. that is not just from a mom being kind to her son. i think it comes from seeing his face. he was proud and, darn it, so was i.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
this is an old video I stumbled across while organizing my snapfish albums. Its harrison. he was just barely over 12 months old. he was playing on this very old glider chair we have on the porch and when my back was turned he slipped down into a hole in the center. so, what does mom do? run to help? panic? check for injuries? oh heck no. run! grab the camera. and today, I am so glad i did. i cant believe how big my little man is now. this makes me laugh out loud. and tear up a bit. time moves so very fast.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
His name comes from my dad's family (EVERYONE always asks). The name lockett was the maiden name of a lady who married into the hadden family and from then on there was always a boy named lockett in the family until recently. the name disappeared and tim and i decided to bring it back. lockett's middle name is ray. tim's middle name. tim's dad's middle name. tim's dad's dad's middle name...... you get the picture.
Lockett was born early. a little over a month early because i was having serious heart problems. i was put on bed rest (total torture-you wouldnt think so, but it is) for a few weeks to try to keep lockett healthy, happy and INSIDE me. i went in for a regular visit (my one reason to get out of bed) on tim's birthday, july 21. it was supposed to be a check up because i was about a month away from my due date. the doctor realized my heart was in more trouble and it was affecting lockett. we went straight to have the c-section. on tim's birthday. lockett was born and was in a bit of respiratory distress and his blood pressure was struggling (probably because i had been on beta blockers for my heart). they took him to the NICU and took me to have sonograms and cat scans for heart and blood clot problems. i was fine except livid that i couldnt be with lockett. i just shut my eyes and prayed with fervor for lockett to be okay. i dont think i opened my eyes once during all the testing. several hours later they wheeled me in (on my bed) to see lockett in the NICU. i was only able to touch his foot. he was still struggling, on oxygen, and had doctors all over him. the neonatalogist assured me he would be okay. they drugged me a bit and wheeled me to my room. i passed out. tim paced the halls praying that lockett would make it. i was awoken 24 hours later and wheeled once again to see lockett. this time i held him and nursed him. wires and all. he was so little. the time went to fast. the next day when i was wheeled into the NICU to see him the neonatologist was waiting. he was smiling. he said. "can you tell we are all breathing easier? no texas children's hospital for this guy. he's really improved." my heart just lept out of my body. i felt like i could breath. then i panicked. the gravity of his situation settled on me. it's funny how i didnt really feel the weight of it until we were out of the woods. God's never ending grace.
tim in the nicu getting news.
my family, tim's family, our entire homegroup, and several precious friends from grace gathered to pray. and wait.
lockett has grown EVERY day since! he's HUGE, happy, and perfectly healthy. he is 6 months old now and laughs, squeals, rolls all around, and is very close to crawling. everyday i just marvel at him. he is sooo very happy. he always has a smile ready for you. i've even seen him smile at me while he was crying. he just couldnt help himself. :)
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
me: “it’s a cross”
harris: “because jesus died?”
me: “well, yes, jesus died on a cross.”
harris: “so we can go to heaven? And play with all the kids up there?”
me: “yes, baby.”
harris: “why is shipley’s donuts over the bridge?”
me: “because they built it there.”
harris: “the new one?”
harris: “because you said so?”
harris: “mom, change me”
me: “WHAT??! Are you serious?you didn’t….”
harris: “yes, i did. Are you angry?”
harris: “i love you. now are you angry?”
harris: “why is our baby screaming?”
me: “because he’s teething”
me: “he’s getting new teeth. i gave him medicine. and kissed him. he’ll stop screaming soon.”
harris: “oh, you are such a good mom”
me: “why is he crying? what did you do?”
harris: “i bit him.”
me: “WHAT? you bit him? where? how? why!!?”
harris: “on his finger. It just looked good.”
me: “new rule. Never bite your brother.”
me: “how hard did you bite him? Like really, really hard or sorta hard?”
Saturday, January 10, 2009
1. i am "noise sensitive"
2. musicians can SOMETIMES run in a strange crowd
3. artists are moody (speaking from experience)
4. i am "noise sensitive"
but, as i watch my precious baby growing up and grabbing every available guitar, drum stick, or djembe, and in the car constantly saying, "song please! song please! louder mom!!" i am slowly beginning to realize i am not sure i can prevent the inevitable. so, i am opting to tell myself (and pray with fervor) that my boys will be worshippers (not just musicians) and when i am walking around with ear muffs on to drown out the noise, just know, as strange as it looks, i am sacrificing comfort (as all moms do) so my boys can be worshippers.