Tuesday, March 3, 2009

And the "Crappy Mom of the Year Award" goes to....

ME!! dont even bother entering the contest, i got this one. i win. hands down.

it started yesterday with an innocent trip to the mailbox. i walked out to get the mail and there was a strange letter in the mail. upon checking it out, i realized it was a bill for over $5,000. YIKES! it was for a student loan. i thought, jeeze some poor soul accidently used my social security number and now owes them big. but, no big deal i will get it straightened out. i called. nope. no mistake.

when i was going to school to get my certification to be a teacher, i did so under a "teach for texas" grant. it paid for my schooling as long as i completed 5 years of teaching in a shortage area. i completed 2 years before i got pregnant with harrison and then quit teaching to stay home. SO, looks like they want their money. they did say, however, if i can prove i worked those 2 years they will reduce the amount. so, by golly, i am gonna prove it! i had to get forms filled out from all over town and my mind was quite preoccupied with the whole mess, so this morning i called on my precious friend Kimberly to sit with lockett while i ran all over town getting forms filled out and harrison was at kingdom kids.

so, i was running around town like a chicken with its head cut off (thats just a gross, strange expression) and at about 11 o'clock i came home to pick up lockett from kimberly so she could go to class. After feeding lockett i decided i had time to run into walmart to get a few things before picking up harrison. so, i ran in and put lockett in the buggy and did a mad dash sprint through walmart. the cashier had finished ringing up my purchases and i realized i didnt have my wallet. uggghh. i mean seriously!!. with the line building behind me i looked helplessly at her and just said, "i dont have my wallet. what do i do??" she said, "run go it and i'll wait." so i did just that. i took off running to my car which was WAY on the other end of the walmart parking lot. about halfway to my car i realized that i had left lockett in the buggy.

my biggest fear, my absolute worst nightmare is that i will leave or forget my children somewhere. and here i am. i had the biggest 'oh crap' moment of my life. i couldnt breathe. i immediately turned around and ran back into the store and saw the ladies just playing with lockett as if IT WERE NORMAL! i just about cried. i said, "oh my gosh! i left my baby here!!" they smiled and said, "oh, we thought you left him with us on purpose."

okay, let me take a step back here and pause. WHAT??!! do you know that tells me that someone has, at some time, INTENTIONALLY left a kid to be watched by a cashier before!!?!

i wanted to absolutely die. even though my embarrassment faded rather quickly, because the women didnt seem bothered a bit, i cannot tell you how horrific i felt. i should be fired as a mom. WHAT WAS GOD THINKING WHEN HE MADE ME A MOM!!??!! my most precious, most valuable treasure on planet earth and i left him in WALMART. holy jeeze.

i struggled with whether or not to share this story for a couple reasons.
1. i dont want anyone to think this is normal and
2. i dont like looking like an idiot.

but i decided to share this anyway because
1. my family and friends with several kids will hopefully laugh and understand and
2. my family and friends without kids need to know mistakes happen.

all we can do is learn and grow. and i honestly think that when mom-guilt attacks, it is our responsibility as members of the mom club to encourage, uplift and crush guilt attacks for each other. so, if anyone is feeling mom-guilt today or in the near future, just realize we all make mistakes and go ahead, think in your head, "at least i didnt leave my kid at walmart".

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3 comments:

Nancy Haynes said...

Tara,

I don't think you win the "Crappy Mom of the Year Award". As a cashier at Wal-mart, I watch a lot of kids for moms to go back and get something they forget.
As Kathy about the time Granny & Pop went off and left Kathy at church one time. Got all they way home before they noticed it.

Nancy

suels said...

well, i am glad to know at least i am not the only one! i still think i fall somewhere in the "crappy" category for leaving my baby with a stranger, but am thankful he was safe with some really nice women!!
tara

rsbg said...

Tara... first off, I LOVE THAT PICTURE of you and Lockett!!!!

And secondly... you are NOT a bad Mom, THAT IS WHY God blessed you with two wonderful boys!

And if it makes you feel any better, I ALMOST left Garrett in his carseat in the car in the parking garage at work one day. His daycare was next to my work, he was so quiet, I had my mind on a million things... I parked in the parking garage, get out and as I'm walking by the back seat I see my Gar Bear sitting in his carseat all happy and content.

You are a GREAT Mom....