Tuesday, April 12, 2011


The most common question in my life right now is: WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED??!

So, I thought for the sake of this being a journal of sorts to store memories and stories of my life and for all those who have wanted to know exactly what happened, I thought I'd write it up here.

forewarning, this may get long.

I have been pregnant with my third baby. My little girl. We have been waiting with much excitement. All in all my pregnancy had been uneventful. I will not say easy because who are we kidding?? Its NOT easy. But nothing out of the ordinary. I even went to work at my very active job at 38 weeks pregnant planning to come home and deliver 3 days later. the entire time I was working I had no trouble. I felt fine. pregnant, but fine.

I came home on a Saturday after being at my job (staying the nights there) for ten days. Sunday morning I didn't feel very good and Monday morning I decide to call my ob/gyn. Just to have a check up. I was scheduled for the Csection on Wednesday (two days later) but I just wanted to be sure everything was ok. I had a feeling.

Sure enough, I went in at 11am to just get checked and the doctor said my blood pressure was too high and she wanted to go ahead and deliver at 1.30 that very day. So she sent me straight over to St Joes, to get ready to meet my baby girl. It was unexpected but we were ready and happy to go ahead.

At 1.50pm Monday afternoon my doctor delivered my baby girl, Cora Lea Suel. She was 8 lbs 6 ounces. and she was as healthy as she could be. They held her close to my face and I wept. She was gorgeous. They finished my csection and Tim went with Cora to take pictures/make announcements/be the watchful daddy.

They took me to recovery and a few hours later I was in my room waiting to see Cora. That night Tim went home to stay with the boys and my mom stayed with me in the hospital. It was a long, terrible night. I was in terrible pain. My mom did everything she could to make me more comfortable and I tried with all my might to suck it up- this WAS my third Csection- but by 6am I was in tears. I couldn't hold back. Not a wink of sleep, nothing was helping my pain. I thought I was in hell. The nurse on duty was ok but kept saying, "Well, csections are painful"... I KNOW! I've had a FEW! but this was far worse. I couldn't believe that I had become such a weenie. Why couldn't I handle it?

At 7am a new nurse came onto her shift and she walked into my room. I was gripping the bed rails and had tears flowing and she came to my bedside and spoke a few words. She asked me about my pain, took a general look at me and quickly left the room.

Now, from here on out it gets a bit difficult to tell the story but I will try. Most of what happens next was told to me by nurses, family, doctors, and friends who were there. I was out of it. Here's how it unfolds as I am told:

The nurse left my room to call my doctor. She gets the doctor on the phone- who has the reputation of being the very best ob/gyn around- she tells her that I was in considerable pain and crying. I am told my doctor responds with, "What? Tara's upset? she is tough! no, something must be wrong". My doctor then high tails it over to the hospital. She's by my bed in minutes. She does a quick exam and decides something IS wrong.

At that moment things began to change pretty quickly. The doctor informed me she needed to do another surgery to find out what was bleeding in my abdomen. My mom started calling my dad (who was staying at my house) and my husband and telling them to hurry and get to the hospital. They rushed me into surgery and opened me back up.

In the waiting room were friends, family, church members, love ones... all praying it would come out ok. We were initially told it wasn't a big deal, just a vein that was bleeding that needed to be closed. not the typical but not a big deal.

Alittle over an hour into the surgery a call came to the waiting room. It was my doctor. I don't know the exact conversation but it was conveyed to my dad and my husband, Tim, that things weren't going well. They couldn't stop the bleeding. They needed permission to do a hysterectomy and call in another surgeon to assist. Tim told them yes, do what they had to do. One of the possibilities to stop the bleeding and save my life was to break my pelvic bone to get to the bleeding vein.

At this time my mom had brought my boys back to my house and she said she just cleaned. She swept, mopped, did whatever she could to keep her mind off of the possibility that I may not be coming home. She was convinced the next call she was going to get was that I wasn't coming home.

Thank the Lord they were able, after much more time, skill, and difficult procedures, to locate a torn vein deep in my pelvis that had been bleeding. The Dr. said the vein was a strange vein in a location they just do not even go to during the original surgery and as she tried to tie off the vein, it would just disintegrate. The dr said it was quite a strange and very unpredictable thing. She said, "this is one for the books." rare, weird.

After the surgery I had troops of doctors, nurses, and anesthesiologists come to my room and were just overwhelmed I was there. They all said, "We are just so glad you are here!" I was still quite unaware of just how close it came but I knew by their faces and reactions that it had come close. They would come to my room and look at me (and I looked like a train wreck) and they would just beam. A huge smile would come across their face as they would say, "You are here. You are blessed. You were saved because your dr is the very best there is. No one else coulda pulled you through."

Let me say this: I am a so convinced that my doctor is the very best. That God saved me through her skill and wisdom. That God was sovereign over every detail.

In the midst of surgery I was given 3 units of blood and the next day I was given 2more units. I had just lost too much blood. Now, I thought when you are given blood that was all there was to it, that you got the blood and went on about your merry way. That's not true. The blood is given to prevent shock, death, and help healing. It dies shortly there after. You have to make your own blood and that takes time. Alot of time-weeks to months. Until then you feel like you've been run over by a mack truck.

So, now, I am recovering. Cora is gorgeous and perfectly healthy. She is a gift from God.

a few notes about things I learned through this:

1. God is so very sovereign. He is in control of every detail. I wasn't scheduled to deliver until Wednesday. My doctor decided to deliver Monday. A few days early because she just felt it would be better because my blood pressure was a bit high. Had she delivered wed. She would've been out of town Thursday (she had a scheduled flight out of town) and wouldn't have been there for the second surgery. Another doctor would've had to preform it. The nurse who discovered the problem wouldn't have been on shift- Thursdays are her day off. The other on-duty nurses missed the signs of the problem. Only when she come on duty was there a quick, necessary call from the hospital to my doctor.

2. When I was taken to the second surgery I was told, "It's gonna be ok. Just a vein we didn't get tied off. We'll get it and it'll be just fine." I felt fine about it. That they would quickly resolve the problem and I would feel better. I wasn't worried or panicked. NO ONE expected it to take the turn it did. But as they were placing the mask over my face to put me under general anesthesia, I felt a very deep stirring. In the past, when I prayed, I've prayed with my mind. I prayed what I thought would be needed requests or thanksgivings. This time it was different. As peaceful as I felt, my Spirit stirred and my Spirit began to pray. I don't know how else to describe what happened. But, not my words were chosen, not within my control, but the Spirit interceded and prayed fervently, repeatedly, with an earnest I didn't understand. The words I remember calling desperately from my soul were,"God, give them skill and wisdom. skill and wisdom" I don't know how else to explain it but to say the Spirit began to pray from within me and intercede and go before the Lord to ask for things I didn't even know to ask for. To pray and plead before the throne for God to be present over the surgeons. To fill them with HIS wisdom and HIS skill as the great physician. This has drastically impacted my view of the Spirit within me, the Spirit's role and relationship with the Lord. It was as though I wasn't there, that the Spirit and the Lord were communicating.I was just witnessing it. Its indescribable and I feel blessed to have experienced it.

3. I definitely learned to not miss one moment to say, "I love you" to friends and family. I often take for granted I'll see my loved ones tomorrow. We don't know that so I want to remember to treasure each moment and say I love you. alot.

I have since visited my doctor for more tests and check ups. She smiled and hugged me when I saw her. she said, "you tried to die on us". I told her how very grateful I was that she was my doctor and how thankful I was for all her work. She said, "Tara, there was a moment in that surgery room where I had the thought, 'I CANNOT walk out there and look Tim in the face and tell him I couldn't fix her. I REFUSED to walk out there and tell him to take his three babies home and I couldn't save Tara.'" She looked at me and then Tim and said, "I couldn't do it. I had to do whatever it took. I wasn't going to face telling him I couldn't fix it." She truly is a hero to me. She has my forever recommendation and endorsement. She is the best and she faced a dramatic and fearful situation head on and God chose her to "fix" me. Thank you Lord.

There are so many other details that I can't even begin to include them all but I think this summarizes the majority of the story.

I do want to thank all those who sat and prayed in the waiting room with my family. and all those who have brought food, and served my family with any and every need. Church community is the best thing to witness. And I for one am so grateful.

Worth it all:


cphillips1007 said...

Oh my gosh Tara! Can't wait to see you in person to give you a huge hug! Tears are rolling down my face for what your family was put through! Praise God for that wonderful doctor! Cora is absolutely beautiful!


Jenny said...

I had no idea (probably b/c I'm not on facebook! :) What a beautiful story, made me cry. I'll be praying for your recovery, I know how it feels to lose a lot of blood (not that much!) but I can't imagine having 3 little ones instead of just one newborn. Please let me know if there is something we can do to help, I truly mean that, we're starting to figure this out around here and would love to be a help. Praying for you all.

Katie said...

Praise be to God that you are still here. I am amazed once again about the little details that our very Big God cares about. Blessing to you, your boys and your darling daughter. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. I will definitely keep praying for your recovery and family. Hugs!

joy said...

Precious child of God. We praise Him for keeping you here to raise your sweet ones.

Jon and Shelly said...

Tim and Tara, we're so thankful for God's answered prayers, for the wisdom He's given your doctor and for your precious new daughter! No better time than Easter to celebrate new life!

stampqueen said...

Blessings on you and yours!!! So glad this story had ahappy ending!!!

Debi Clark said...

Dear Tara,

You don't know me, I found a link to one of your DIY's on Pinterest, but I had to comment. Your post had me in tears...still in tears. What sweet confidence you have, what a testimony you shared. Yes He truly is over all, and He is in the details. I pray for strength for you and your body.

If you did end up having the hysterectomy I hope you take the time to grieve over that. What a painful surprise to wake up to.

Excuse my intrusion, especially if I said anything too personal.