Thursday, December 26, 2013

I Love That Your Crazy is Showing...

If you have known me for all of 5 minutes or read much of what I've been layin' down you know that I live life as an open book. What I am, is what you see. This has been my friend and my enemy on many occasions. It means you can safely know I am being completely real and honest, but it also means I've often wished I'd kept my mouth shut. Oh, the insanity of what I've thrown down in a public arena before would make everyone of you stare in utter shock at the level of asinine.

And if you know me on facebook you know I struggle with the My-World-Is-Perfect facebook syndrome. "Here, take a look at this awesome picture of me and my 4 boys making cookies in perfect harmony with zero mess. While I am homeschooling them. Currently we are working through Latin. Backwards..."

Don't even get me started on Pinterest. Oh, hang on, my 4-D shark cake just came out of the oven perfect.

People, you can find me on Pinterest under "nailed it".

BLAH! It creates a sense of complete failure in each of us. I value, no, I  LOVE, desire, CRAVE, authenticity so deeply that when I see someone being real I want to run up and hug them. I try to post pictures of our struggles, our failures, our tears, our fears all in an effort to keep it real.

When I see the imperfections in people it makes me see them as REAL PEOPLE. People who hurt, struggle, need, love, and give.

My brother-in-law is a great guy. I don't live in the same town as he does and I don't see him often enough for me to know him deeply. (I wish this weren't the case but it is). So, in all openness, I didn't think much about him on a regular basis and when family shared stories I was quick to form an opinion and move on.

Then, oh, but then, my sister told me something about him one day. She and I were giggling about who-knows-what and she mentions, "Oh, David doesn't like comforters or blankets on our bed". I roll my eyes and just says, "Really??! Who doesn't like comforters?? or blankets?"  Roll, roll, roll. I'm awesome at judgy eyes.

So she lays this on me: "No, it's not temperature or style, he doesn't like any weight on his toes. He doesn't know what to do with them when he's on his back. Toes straight up with weight on them hurts, so does he fold them back or forward? It's a toe/blanket battle."

Hold up a sec people. Can I just say, "WHAT??!" and now I love him. I want to put him in my pocket and carry him everywhere around with me. Discuss amongst yourselves my weirdness but oh, how I love him now.

So I discovered that when I find out some quirk about someone it makes them REAL to me. It makes me smile when I think of them. It makes me love them. Weirdness=real=love in my bizarre little mind.

And as I thought about the approaching end of year, I began bracing myself for the onslaught of end of the year lists. And dear reader, I have to tell you, I hate end of the year resolutions. I have never partaken. I don't understand it.

The minute someone starts running down the list of amazing feats they are going to accomplish simply because it is now January, I tune out. I am so sorry, friends. But if you start telling me how you are gonna work out 17 days a week, and eat only organicafied organic food, I retreat to a safe place in my mind. I'm going dark, people. Over and out. Cant. partake. of. this. madness. 

Perhaps it's my deep seeded fear of having a list I won't accomplish. Oh sure, I could write a novel on the resolutions I NEED to accomplish. But actually accomplish?? It won't happen. Then I have derailed for the entire calendar year. All hope will fly out the window and I will walk around lamenting about how I can't cross #2 off the list because I ate a non-organic gummy bear.

So, peace out end of the year baloney. It's a no-go here.

However, I have decided that I will make a list. A very different kind of list. I saw someone else do this list and it made me feel sooooo accepted.  In an effort to promote authenticity and because I LONG with such a ferocious fire to know and love the people around me, I want to know your list. 

Here I give to you,  my list of crazy. In the process of coming up with my crazy list I asked Tim to name 5 things or "quirks" about me. Oh and how he quickly spouted off the top 5. Before I could adamantly defend these quirks, I realized they matched exactly the 5 I came up with. Open book, people. Open book.

So I give you mine but as you read, start thinking of yours. Cause I want to hear them. I NEED TO HEAR THEM. 

Here goes:

1. I cannot under any circumstances drink the last 10 percent of a bottled or canned drink. Won't happen. Sorry. Perhaps it's my tithe to the backwash gods. I don't know and it has driven Tim crazy for years. He used to lecture me about the incredible waste, throwing away all those gallons and gallons of drinks. Sorry. I've tried. I can't. Last 10 percent is going down the drain. Tim has thrown in the towel attempting to reform this weird behavior.

2. I can't walk forward in the dark. If I am walking through a room and someone turns out the lights, I will freeze and stand there until either someone turns the light on, brings me a flashlight, I locate my phone to illuminate the path or I have to turn around and continue backwards. It's possible I am afraid of breaking a toe. This is the best explanation I can come up with.

3. I only drink diet soda and I am PARANOID someone is trying to intentionally slip me the real deal. I always confirm with the waiter or fast food worker that it is DIET. I give them the Tell Me the Truth Big Eye Stare Down then ask them again.  And when they assure me it is DIET SODA, I go, "oh. Ok".  Like it's no big deal. Then as they walk away I make Tim taste it to make sure. He doesn't even bother with this one anymore. He just takes a sip. And confirms it's diet.  Bless him. 

4. I cannot stand to screw things on. Lids, light bulbs, caps.... if I have to screw a top or lid on a bottle or light bulb into a socket, I'm out. I don't know why. I can't stand it. Unscrewing, no problem. Screw it on, BIG PROBLEM. You know, that as a mother, I have not been able to escape all lids that screw. Medicines, vitamins, etc.... So I do have to overcome occasionally but I despise it. I close my eyes, grit my teeth and screw on the lid when I have to. However, number one biggest issue in this house is lost lids. Because I won't put them on. How am I married???!

5. This last one is half normal, half weird. Maybe..... To me anyway. I hate port-a-potties. Not only for the stench and germs, but mostly because I have an incredible, disabling fear that as soon as I latch the door to the port-a-pottie, the company will come to pick it up. WITH ME IN IT. This could stem from one too many YouTube prank videos, whatever the reason, I am terrified. You're probably thinking this is not a huge issue, I mean how often do you encounter a port-a-pottie?? Where I work, twice a year for ten days at a stretch. Freak out, people. That's 20 days of port-a-pottie hell.

So there. There are my 5 top wierds. Your turn. I MUST KNOW THEM. GO.


scootingranny said...

hmmm.... I have lots. Just gotta figure out which 5 to put on your blog without making people scared of me.

joy said...

Agree wholeheartedly with #1, ugh backwash,#2 ? What??? #3again agree -been slipped a real one before and it gives me the shakes! #4 I KNOW, I KNOW! Drives me nuts! #5 Hold your nose and close your eyes!