The Suels

ribbons

2012-01-29T11:45:00.000-08:00

I’ve been very busy lately and here is what I’ve been working on:

These cotton ribbons have been alot of fun to make, each holding little bits of my artwork and writing. Right now I have two ready to sell.
This one is really sweet for gifts or projects:

And this one, which would be great for valentines day or any occasion, like tied in a ponytail!

They are white, 1 inch wide, 100% cotton and cost $5.00/yard. Please email me, Tara, (harley168@hotmail.com) if you’d like to purchase either design and how many yards you'd like. I’ll send you an invoice via paypal or you can pay me personally if you are local. Just let me know!

Pound cake

2012-01-22T19:23:00.001-08:00

My memaw was wonderful. She was mostly Indian. Which made her mostly strange. :) and all wonderful.
She made the very best pound cake. And that is not exaggerated. She might have added peyote. Just sayin.
I made this with her recipe to hang on my wall. I didn't realize how much it would remind me of her. Everyday.

faith

2012-01-14T13:37:00.001-08:00

my faith. smaller than a mustard seed. much smaller. more like a poppy seed. I created these pages for myself....

but before I scribbled the week's activities all over them I thought Id share the blank weekly planner with you.

you can download it, print it, then doodle all over it, fill in the agenda for the week, or paint it. or copic it. (yes, I used copic as a verb). Sometimes its nice to get a running start and just color.
click here to print the blank weekly planner.

therapy

2012-01-11T11:44:00.001-08:00

Ive been working on art journaling. Here are a few of the pages Ive been working on:

Lettering.

2012-01-01T13:05:00.001-08:00

I've been practicing hand lettering. I've been a student of typography and hand lettering since high school. I remember passing notes (pre texting) and when a friend passed me a note I'd spend hours attempting to copy their handwriting. I was really good at it and enjoyed studying others writing and letter formations so it's no surprise that when I want to zone out I practice lettering. here's a snapshot of my last journal page.

Practice makes.... Better.

2011-12-31T08:33:00.001-08:00

I think my focus in 2012 will be practice. I struggle with this. I've always just wanted to get it right the first time and be done. But I'm learning more and more that it just doesn't work that way. I've got to learn to practice. Practice art techniques. Practice perspective. Practice patience. Practice truth. Over and over again. Hopefully getting better each time.

Stronger.

2011-12-28T15:45:00.001-08:00

Do justly

2011-12-23T11:48:00.001-08:00

the rest of the story

2011-12-22T17:35:00.000-08:00

So, some are wondering what the heck fire is goin on around here. Its always something. :) Since the end of September my daughter Cora has been sick. Just sick. always sick. ear infections, throat infections, bladder infections, and most recently kidney infection. She was born at a normal weight but we noticed that she started dropping off the scales a bit. This week she was diagnosed with failure to thrive. I cannot begin to tell you how much I HATE that phrase now. Seriously hate it.
My daughter is joyful, sweet, smart, fun, emotional. She is crawling, trying to talk, pulls up. She has met every age-milestone. Shes just tiny. Teeny Tiny. She barely weighs 14 pounds and is 9 months old. Now, there are petite people out there that wouldnt mean much of anything to. But Cora belle started out normal and then stopped growing.
She isnt failing to thrive.
trust me, she THRIVES. but shes little and has been sick. so, weve been on a quest to figure out whats going on. This week we did an ultrasound of her kidneys, fearing perhaps a problem there. BUT thankfully, we got great news:

Now, we have to visit with an imunologist to check her immune system. Then to a gastrointernologist.
We will figure this out. And Cora is beautiful, funny, smart and THRIVING. Her body just needs to get the memo. :)

Waiting.

2011-12-21T08:05:00.001-08:00

I am not good at waiting. Not good a-tall.
Today we wait. Wait as doctors confer. Wait for the radiologist. Wait for answers. Ugh. I am not good at waiting. A peak at my daily todo:

Christmas

2011-12-19T08:50:00.001-08:00

oh, and if you are traveling,

His star

2011-11-09T10:35:00.001-08:00

I love this verse. I get chills every time i hear or read it. This Christmas I am doing more over a longer period of time to make my house Christmas-y. I am also preparing for a Christmas show to sell some of my creations, and I made this one, but, it might have to stay here...

down a ways

2011-10-18T14:00:00.000-07:00

for the past 15 years Ive been passing by this abandoned service station

and if you know me, you know I cant resist. I had to stop and nose around a bit. I found that the price on the pumps was 31c/gallon.

and the place looked like someone had simply walked out and locked the door behind them eons ago. Not disturbed by anyone except rot and decay. the outhouse out back, falling down. the old ford pickups, sinking into the ground and a tree growing right up through one of them.

I began to feel a tug at my heart to know the history of the old service station. (read, uh-oh. here i go into the rabbit hole)
so i talked to a few of the residents of this old tiny rundown abandoned once railroad town. The conversation went a bit like this:
Hi, Im Tara Suel and I just love this old service station down the road, do you know who owns it??
Well, it looks like Melba Ray owns that property.
ok, can I call her?
sure you can. she lived here all her life.
(i eventually find the number)and call her. THAT conversation (rabbit trail) went like this:
hi, may I speak to Melba?
whos this??!
Im tara, Im seeking information about the old service station I believe you own?
No, i dont own that service station. Thats LLoyds. LLoyd. with 2 lls. he owns that. Now, I dont know him, but we lived here all our lives, and hes 65. Im 53. hes 65. dont quote me on that but he is. 65. yep. he got gray hair. He dont live here no more. He moved hisself down the road a ways. Hes takin care of a inlaw. I dont know him you see, but we lived here all our lives, and i seen him bout 2 months ago. down the road. hes livin there. he aint got no phone. he left that service station property some years ago. he lived in the house behind it. those are his trucks. hes one of the original families from here. jus like me. you might could call the boyts. hes kin to them. they live down the road a ways. thats not spelled like ya think. anyway, if they dont know, you could call lloyds service station in cameron. they kin. they might know. i owned a service station too. mine was better that lloyds. but i got sick of those bastards charging me all those damn taxes so i teached them a lesson! I plowed that service station into the ground. ha! no more taxes.
Ok, thank you for your information and kindness. Have a nice day.
and I hang up gently.
whew!
WHAT THE HECK??!
now, i want to know the history, and quite honestly, Id love to see inside the place, take more pictures, but at this rate. Im not sure thatll be possible. Cause Lloyds livin down the ways. And he aint got no phone.

from the fires to the floods

2011-10-14T11:22:00.001-07:00

I have been very busy. Sorry for my sporadic and rare posting. Im hoping to get into the rhythm of the year soon. September is always crazy for me. I travel all over doing really random jobs. I recently left Texas:

and flew to Massachusetts to work:

Then to Roundtop to work:

to home again. while I was gone my kids got really sick. and we found out one is EXTREMELY allergic to tree nuts and now an epipen is our best friend. like I said, life has been crazy.
Now, Im getting ready to do another random job-ish. Im selling some of my creations in a show.

those are a few of the things Ive been putting together for the show. One of these days, my life will slow down. Ill sleep through the night. There wont be weekly trips to the hospital, Ill sit on a porch and have an entire cup of coffee before it gets too cold to finish. one of these days....

ah, Sunday...

2011-09-19T15:46:00.001-07:00

Sorry its been so long since Ive posted. My computer quit on me. Its still dead. I am hoping enough prayer and chanting will resurrect it but the outlook is bad. So, because I dont have my computer, and have just hijacked my husband's in order to post, I wont be posting any pictures this time. Sorry. However, I DO want to share something with you that I believe your imagination will suffice.
It turns out, that having three kids is very different that having two. or one. You see, three is MORE. It doesnt seem like alot more but let me tell you, it is. Here, I'll give you a glimpse of my yesterday.

Sunday was busy as all Sundays are. Church seems to do a number on my kids and they are cranky and tired when we get home. It lasts the entire day. day of rest. HA! and yesterday being Sunday, means it was a long tiring day. About dinner time (aka football time) I was begging Tim to help me feed the boys. They had begun to gnaw on the walls. Tim was right in the middle of watching a football game and was distracted to say the least. He did jump up to help as I was busy with the lovely but fuss bucket Cora. Tim scrounged for some food and found some staleish chips. Thats ok, the solution was throw them in the oven for a second to crispy them right up cause grocery shopping is out of the question.
Tim loads the chips up, puts them in our super high powered over achieving oven and heads back to the game.
I take the screamer to change her diaper. When i come back, the kitchen is covered in smoke. I start hollering and tim comes running and flings open the oven door and the flames come shooting out. All hell breaks loose, fire gets put out and the boys were thrilled. go figure.

Tim redoes dinner and puts the food in front of the boys and...... yep, heads back to the game. I am standing with Cora, waiting for the boys to finish. Next thing I know, Harris is at my legs grabbing me and panicking. My arms are full of Cora and being that I was standing on tile I didnt feel I could just put her down. I realized Harrison was choking and right about that time he turned to take off running. He was in a full panic. I grabbed him by the shirt with my one free hand and began screaming for tim while dragging him towards the room tim was in. When tim rounded the corner and saw mayhem he too panicked and began searching for benadryl. He thought my allergy baby was having an anaphylactic reaction. I hollered no! hes choking! and tim grabbed him and hit him resulting in the freeing of the object. All the while, poor Cora, had been along for the ride.

Three is harder but I am learning....

Wall Map

2011-07-20T14:57:00.001-07:00

I had a great idea one day. I would decorate the boys room with old wall maps. yeah right. i perused ebay, etsy, craigslist... only to find it would cost me quite a bit- those old maps we hated in elementary school that the teachers pulled down and pointed to with a long "i-am-the-teacher-and-in-control power dowel rod", well, who'da known, they'd be so expensive later in life. to the tunes of a couple hundred bucks! for ONE!
well, i decided Id make my own. My way. i figured chalkboard, eraseable. so I could quiz the boys. and add my notes, trips, hometowns... you get the idea.

here's what I came up with:

the white outline of the united states and the state lines are permanent. Everything else is chalked in and can be erased. and I am thrilled with the results. I decided to add them to my etsy shop.

Ill make anyone a fabric chalkboard map custom sized and detailed. Want the states labled? sure thing. Want a map of your state? ok. want it smaller? or larger? Ill do it.
you can find them here:

I journal

2011-07-18T05:59:00.000-07:00

I have journalled as long as I can remember. I think it started as a way for me to sit still. In school, when a teacher was talking I had the hardest time sitting there doing nothing but listening. I doodled in order to listen. When I draw, paint, color... i listen better. It may not make sense, or it may look like bordom but it wasnt. It was focus. That understanding always helped me as a teacher. I had kids that listened better standing. or drawing, or fiddleing. I tried to understand behaviors before I jumped to conclusions. But now as an adult, I rarely have to sit and listen to speakers (except church- and yes, brian, i am drawing AND listening!) but my kids love to draw and it could be laborious if i wasnt joining in on the fun. I cannot leave a 3 year old alone with markers so when we haul out the art supplies, i get excited because I get to draw. or paint. or sketch. or glue. or cut. ok, getting excited and i dont get to draw today. :(
I have found that journalling helps my quiet times. I just cannot sit still quietly. unless i am drawing or writing. I write my prayers, or my scriptures. it helps me sit and listen.
I have journals galore. I have a prayer journal for each kid. i just write my prayers for that child and it over the long run creates a memory journal. my fears, hopes, cares, challenges, all recorded. One day when they are being a BUTT and Ive had it, I'll show them that Ive prayed for them all their lives. :)
my journals from this year:

I did find one helpful thing to corral all my pens, pencils, markers, etc... this was a diaper bag at one point for me. now, its a journal bag. it keeps everything easy to find, organized and "stashable".

here are a few of my journal/art/doodle/sketch pages.

one guess whats on my mind here:

I think everyone should have a journal. When you are gone from this fleeting life, how wonderful would it be for your kids and grandkids to have a record of your thoughts, prayers, hopes and dreams? I would love to hold my grandmothers hand writing and read what was on her heart.
So, if i love you, and i give you gifts on a regular basis, and it is always a new journal, just know, that i treasure your words and thoughts and dreams. And i believe your family would too. Sure, you may get a journal from me for EVERY SINGLE GIFT FOR YEARS, and no, its not because I'm dumb and forget what i give the year before. its because i hope someday you'll pick up that journal and just write.

My Ikea Idea

2011-07-07T07:36:00.000-07:00

I only have time for a quick post this morning but I just had to share. I call this an Ikea hack but not sure if it truly qualifies as I didnt necessarily modify the item, just re purposed it.

This is a magazine file/holder. It came from Ikea (thanks Aaron!). I love it because it isnt paper or plastic. Its wood. It can be painted, stained, colored :), whatever. I didnt do anything to this particular one because, well, it IS inside my cabinet.
I added the Command Velcro hanging strips to the back (you could screw it in if desired but Im lazy) and stuck it to the inside bathroom cabinet door and voila! curling iron storage.

the fort

2011-06-20T18:32:00.000-07:00

We did it. we finally build the boys a fort. and by "we", I mean tim. it was a beast to put together. it took five full days in 102 degree heat. we arent going on a vacation this summer and i have a new baby so we were desperate for something for the boys to play on and keep them busy. they absolutely LOVE the fort. we've added a bucket and pulley system. batman and the blankets ride up and down in the bucket all day.
so far, the fort has been a coffee shop. a toy shop. a pirate ship (this is the case most often). the imagination and play time is endless. perhaps i should book an advance reservation at the ER.
I soon will add a pirate flag and a sign. i think it'll Say, "find your inner pirate". its for the adults. the boys have no trouble finding their pirate. its us adults who struggle. enjoy the progression:

DIY

2011-06-06T12:20:00.000-07:00

in these economic times DIY has become THE trend. its all about the do-it-yourself and save money.
A while back i saw a great memo board that I like that had tear off paper. It was in one of those super high end magazines and when I saw the price my eye began to twitch. no way was I paying that much! I can make it!
i didnt want to spend a dime but i wanted a great product. heres what i came up with:

this is a piece of scrap wood that i had. I soaked it in a tea bath to get an older vintage look. then I took two old rulers, screwed one to the top and one to the bottom. they hold the paper in place but the bottom one also serves to tear a clean line. I robbed an iron towel rack i had and added the iron bar to the top. the paper roll is from lowes. its the paper in the paint isle. i added string and a sharpie. and i love the results.

mason jar matches

2011-05-31T08:20:00.000-07:00

i like things to look pretty and organized. right now, that is NOT my life. however, i did do one small thing this week that made me feel much better.
I took this match box from the hall bathroom (dont ask why its in there (hint: house full of boys) or why it looks like a rat has chewed on it....)

and I took out the matches, stuck them in this beautiful old jar

then cut off the strike strip and added it to the back of the jar with glue dots. (they work well!)

and voila! it works and look sooo much better.

now back to your regularly scheduled program...

2011-05-25T06:23:00.000-07:00

people have been asking me how i am doing. have i recovered? how do i feel? adjusting?
well let me start with, adjusting....um, I'll get back to you on that one...
feeling? I feel so much better. I am healing wonderfully. I had FIVE. 5. ef. eye. vee. eee. FIVE weeks of full time mother/mother-in-law help. it was a glorious thing. i am so blessed to have as much help as i did. my church friends delivered meals. my friends helped with the boys and i slowly regained strength.
The surgeries were rough but what took the longest to get over was the blood loss. It took about 6 weeks just to rebuild enough blood that i wasnt anemic(read EXHAUSTED) all the time.
I recently had ANOTHER blood test and heaven help us it was normal. (the only normal thing about me).
So, my energy is back, ive been up, working, cleaning, cooking, laundry-ing, creating, gardening, and generally just trying to keep everyone alive.
I have never been so humbled, so amazed, and so thankful to everyone who helped my family get through this. complete strangers prayed for hours for me. my friends begged God for my life and it has humbled me to the core.
thank you all for everything. and i do mean everything you all did to get us through this.
here are some fun pictures of the days we spent in "recovery-mode"

ideaphoria and dollhouses

2011-05-13T19:04:00.000-07:00

so, I have something called ideaphoria. strange, I know. I was "diagnosed" with it in high school at a testing facility in dallas. This is one definition of ideaphoria.
Essentially, I have tons and tons of ideas (of things to create) that inundate my mind constantly. Most of the time its something I manage. But when I am sick and laid up in bed and unable to hop up and create something Ive dreamed up in my head, boy, does it get to me. if this afflicts you at all, DONT visit the website pinterest. and whatever you do, dont search for things you like. dont do it.
Ive been flooded recently with ideas and because Ive been so sick and unable to do much of anything... its killing me.
So, I had an idea. :)
I thought maybe if I focused on posting one of the things I created my ideaphoria would subside.
its worth a shot.
This is my childhood dollhouse my daddy made for me and my sisters when we were kids.

I found it in the attic. this is a close up of the grodiness that i cleaned out of the precious dollhouse.

Then, my ideaphoria went into overdrive and I realized it would make a great book/nicknack shelf in coras room until she was old enough to play with dollhouses.
I think it works.

I also made the shelf its sitting on from parts and pieces I had around the house. The front green trim was the trim we salvaged ages ago from my great-grandmothers house. I couldnt bear to paint it so I left it the original color.

WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED!!?

2011-04-12T12:50:00.001-07:00

The most common question in my life right now is: WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED??!

So, I thought for the sake of this being a journal of sorts to store memories and stories of my life and for all those who have wanted to know exactly what happened, I thought I'd write it up here.

forewarning, this may get long.

I have been pregnant with my third baby. My little girl. We have been waiting with much excitement. All in all my pregnancy had been uneventful. I will not say easy because who are we kidding?? Its NOT easy. But nothing out of the ordinary. I even went to work at my very active job at 38 weeks pregnant planning to come home and deliver 3 days later. the entire time I was working I had no trouble. I felt fine. pregnant, but fine.

I came home on a Saturday after being at my job (staying the nights there) for ten days. Sunday morning I didn't feel very good and Monday morning I decide to call my ob/gyn. Just to have a check up. I was scheduled for the Csection on Wednesday (two days later) but I just wanted to be sure everything was ok. I had a feeling.

Sure enough, I went in at 11am to just get checked and the doctor said my blood pressure was too high and she wanted to go ahead and deliver at 1.30 that very day. So she sent me straight over to St Joes, to get ready to meet my baby girl. It was unexpected but we were ready and happy to go ahead.

At 1.50pm Monday afternoon my doctor delivered my baby girl, Cora Lea Suel. She was 8 lbs 6 ounces. and she was as healthy as she could be. They held her close to my face and I wept. She was gorgeous. They finished my csection and Tim went with Cora to take pictures/make announcements/be the watchful daddy.

They took me to recovery and a few hours later I was in my room waiting to see Cora. That night Tim went home to stay with the boys and my mom stayed with me in the hospital. It was a long, terrible night. I was in terrible pain. My mom did everything she could to make me more comfortable and I tried with all my might to suck it up- this WAS my third Csection- but by 6am I was in tears. I couldn't hold back. Not a wink of sleep, nothing was helping my pain. I thought I was in hell. The nurse on duty was ok but kept saying, "Well, csections are painful"... I KNOW! I've had a FEW! but this was far worse. I couldn't believe that I had become such a weenie. Why couldn't I handle it?

At 7am a new nurse came onto her shift and she walked into my room. I was gripping the bed rails and had tears flowing and she came to my bedside and spoke a few words. She asked me about my pain, took a general look at me and quickly left the room.

Now, from here on out it gets a bit difficult to tell the story but I will try. Most of what happens next was told to me by nurses, family, doctors, and friends who were there. I was out of it. Here's how it unfolds as I am told:

The nurse left my room to call my doctor. She gets the doctor on the phone- who has the reputation of being the very best ob/gyn around- she tells her that I was in considerable pain and crying. I am told my doctor responds with, "What? Tara's upset? she is tough! no, something must be wrong". My doctor then high tails it over to the hospital. She's by my bed in minutes. She does a quick exam and decides something IS wrong.

At that moment things began to change pretty quickly. The doctor informed me she needed to do another surgery to find out what was bleeding in my abdomen. My mom started calling my dad (who was staying at my house) and my husband and telling them to hurry and get to the hospital. They rushed me into surgery and opened me back up.

In the waiting room were friends, family, church members, love ones... all praying it would come out ok. We were initially told it wasn't a big deal, just a vein that was bleeding that needed to be closed. not the typical but not a big deal.

Alittle over an hour into the surgery a call came to the waiting room. It was my doctor. I don't know the exact conversation but it was conveyed to my dad and my husband, Tim, that things weren't going well. They couldn't stop the bleeding. They needed permission to do a hysterectomy and call in another surgeon to assist. Tim told them yes, do what they had to do. One of the possibilities to stop the bleeding and save my life was to break my pelvic bone to get to the bleeding vein.

At this time my mom had brought my boys back to my house and she said she just cleaned. She swept, mopped, did whatever she could to keep her mind off of the possibility that I may not be coming home. She was convinced the next call she was going to get was that I wasn't coming home.

Thank the Lord they were able, after much more time, skill, and difficult procedures, to locate a torn vein deep in my pelvis that had been bleeding. The Dr. said the vein was a strange vein in a location they just do not even go to during the original surgery and as she tried to tie off the vein, it would just disintegrate. The dr said it was quite a strange and very unpredictable thing. She said, "this is one for the books." rare, weird.

After the surgery I had troops of doctors, nurses, and anesthesiologists come to my room and were just overwhelmed I was there. They all said, "We are just so glad you are here!" I was still quite unaware of just how close it came but I knew by their faces and reactions that it had come close. They would come to my room and look at me (and I looked like a train wreck) and they would just beam. A huge smile would come across their face as they would say, "You are here. You are blessed. You were saved because your dr is the very best there is. No one else coulda pulled you through."

Let me say this: I am a so convinced that my doctor is the very best. That God saved me through her skill and wisdom. That God was sovereign over every detail.

In the midst of surgery I was given 3 units of blood and the next day I was given 2more units. I had just lost too much blood. Now, I thought when you are given blood that was all there was to it, that you got the blood and went on about your merry way. That's not true. The blood is given to prevent shock, death, and help healing. It dies shortly there after. You have to make your own blood and that takes time. Alot of time-weeks to months. Until then you feel like you've been run over by a mack truck.

So, now, I am recovering. Cora is gorgeous and perfectly healthy. She is a gift from God.

a few notes about things I learned through this:

1. God is so very sovereign. He is in control of every detail. I wasn't scheduled to deliver until Wednesday. My doctor decided to deliver Monday. A few days early because she just felt it would be better because my blood pressure was a bit high. Had she delivered wed. She would've been out of town Thursday (she had a scheduled flight out of town) and wouldn't have been there for the second surgery. Another doctor would've had to preform it. The nurse who discovered the problem wouldn't have been on shift- Thursdays are her day off. The other on-duty nurses missed the signs of the problem. Only when she come on duty was there a quick, necessary call from the hospital to my doctor.

2. When I was taken to the second surgery I was told, "It's gonna be ok. Just a vein we didn't get tied off. We'll get it and it'll be just fine." I felt fine about it. That they would quickly resolve the problem and I would feel better. I wasn't worried or panicked. NO ONE expected it to take the turn it did. But as they were placing the mask over my face to put me under general anesthesia, I felt a very deep stirring. In the past, when I prayed, I've prayed with my mind. I prayed what I thought would be needed requests or thanksgivings. This time it was different. As peaceful as I felt, my Spirit stirred and my Spirit began to pray. I don't know how else to describe what happened. But, not my words were chosen, not within my control, but the Spirit interceded and prayed fervently, repeatedly, with an earnest I didn't understand. The words I remember calling desperately from my soul were,"God, give them skill and wisdom. skill and wisdom" I don't know how else to explain it but to say the Spirit began to pray from within me and intercede and go before the Lord to ask for things I didn't even know to ask for. To pray and plead before the throne for God to be present over the surgeons. To fill them with HIS wisdom and HIS skill as the great physician. This has drastically impacted my view of the Spirit within me, the Spirit's role and relationship with the Lord. It was as though I wasn't there, that the Spirit and the Lord were communicating.I was just witnessing it. Its indescribable and I feel blessed to have experienced it.

3. I definitely learned to not miss one moment to say, "I love you" to friends and family. I often take for granted I'll see my loved ones tomorrow. We don't know that so I want to remember to treasure each moment and say I love you. alot.

I have since visited my doctor for more tests and check ups. She smiled and hugged me when I saw her. she said, "you tried to die on us". I told her how very grateful I was that she was my doctor and how thankful I was for all her work. She said, "Tara, there was a moment in that surgery room where I had the thought, 'I CANNOT walk out there and look Tim in the face and tell him I couldn't fix her. I REFUSED to walk out there and tell him to take his three babies home and I couldn't save Tara.'" She looked at me and then Tim and said, "I couldn't do it. I had to do whatever it took. I wasn't going to face telling him I couldn't fix it." She truly is a hero to me. She has my forever recommendation and endorsement. She is the best and she faced a dramatic and fearful situation head on and God chose her to "fix" me. Thank you Lord.

There are so many other details that I can't even begin to include them all but I think this summarizes the majority of the story.

I do want to thank all those who sat and prayed in the waiting room with my family. and all those who have brought food, and served my family with any and every need. Church community is the best thing to witness. And I for one am so grateful.

Worth it all:

whoa momma!

2011-03-17T12:17:00.000-07:00

I do not like photos of me. I avoid being photographed. its because Im native american and itll steal my soul. its definitely not because every picture i see of myself causes an involuntary gag reflex.

So, unless you are my father in law with his stern voice on (hes a picture taking crazy man) you'll be hard pressed to get me to stand still long enough for a picture.

and that being said, the RAREST of all photos of me is the pregnant photo. there are a FEW floating around on facebook that my vindictive sisters post and tag me in. I remove the tags, they replace the tag....whatever. they think its funny. i think it steals me AND the baby's soul. :)

But i do realize this is my last pregnancy and i started this blog as a memoir for my family and kids so after alot of groaning and crying i decided Id post one pregnant picture for all my very distant family (your welcome dale!) and i also realize that one day ill look back and these photos will be the "gosh I was so young!" pictures.

I also want to encourage my pregnant friends out there. When you think you've heard every inconceivable comment about your pregnancy, consider these whoppers Ive had to smile gracefully through:

-what??! april 6th!! but youre enormous!
-well, I guess as long as you feel good it doesnt matter how you look.
-are you sure it isnt twins??!
-well, arent you a full load!

here's 36 weeks pregnant:

just a few short weeks left. :)

blessings

2011-03-06T17:12:00.000-08:00

I have some amazing friends.

I am about to have a baby girl. I know. a girl. Im getting more and more used to the idea.

Saturday my friends threw me a shower and I was really blown away by all the gifts. It was supposed to be a DIAPER shower, but my friends brought diapers AND gifts.

I feel so very blessed. and so very humbled. and grateful.

here are the cards that were attached to the gifts. I put them on a painted canvass and framed it. I like the idea that as Cora grows, on her wall she will see that there were lots of people excited about her arrival and anxious to meet her.

please excuse our mess.....we're currently under construction.

2011-03-02T10:33:00.001-08:00

I love my boys. I love my boys. I love my boys.

no, I am not trying to convince myself, its really true but there are days when I just want to hide. My boys were given to me by God for so many reasons, the one I am sharing about today is reason #7. to keep me humble.

my boys take it upon themselves to daily hand me my dose of humility.

when i was *youngER* and baby-less I would see moms in the super market, or at church, or at the doctor's office and I would mentally make a list of everything they should do to improve their lives and the lives of their children. man, i had an answer to it all.

then God smiled and handed me my two boys. I am convinced He then sat back and said, "show me, tara".

okay, God. I now know that I know nothing. nada. zilch. Im an idiot. please help me keep my boys alive and mentally unscathed for as long as possible.

amen.

oh, and to the precious women of my sons school and staff members that my husband works with at church, my 5 1/2 year old does not, "go to the boring school, the school of boring, who teach the language of 'blah, blah, blah' ". he really does love his school, he is trying to learn to make a humorous joke. On the way home, i discussed with him how it WASNT funny and suggested he start with 'why did the chicken cross the road?'

and walmart staff, i do NOT believe its appropriate, nor do i teach my son to pee in your fine parking lot.

apparently, this week i was low on humility.

uncle!

2011-02-28T16:57:00.000-08:00

The person you are trying to reach is not available....

oh how i wish I could have a recording of that playing on a loop everytime i hear, "momma. momma. momma!"

this week has been one of those weeks. and i. am. tired.

my boys' injury report this week:

a sore back from the slaps incurred from a precious friend saving my oldest sons life who was choking on mongolian beef. the beef came up. the back still sore. but he's alive so we are ok with a sore back!

a severely split lip and a jacked up tooth- good thing its a baby tooth

a pretty bad burn on a tiny finger that has a MONGO blister that looks really painful.

a bead up a nose

a bruised rib cage. on the bright side, the bruised rib cage was what caused the bead to come flying out of the nose. (this was all done in view of medical personel who now are baffled by how i make it through a day)

I want to learn patience and all, but its only monday.

if this continues, Im gonna fake labor pains so I can go to the hospital and get some rest!

forever.

2011-02-27T18:44:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was a great day for us. Saturday started like a normal weekend day. it was gorgeous outside and I had a tedious painting job ahead of me so I pulled up a chair and began painting. after a while harrison came up beside me and started helping me. we worked together for a while. brief conversations came up followed by silence and painting. it was nice. but then, the serious questioning began.

"mom," says harrison, "will Michael Jackson be in heaven?"

this makes me smile. you see, we had just watched "this is it" the michael jackson documentary. harrison has for years now had a fascination with Michael jackson. he wants to know all about him. why hes famous, all his songs, his dance moves, if he's really a zombie, etc.... while watching the movie, we answered lots of questions and explained to harrison that michael was a very rare, talented, gifted. individual. sort of a "elvis 2".

after a brief period of silence following the question, I said, "well, baby. we dont know. we dont know whether michael believed that Jesus died for his sins or not."

"but mom," harrison says in a very serious tone,"in the documentary, michael said, "God bless you. alot. he did. I heard him."

I smiled. I paused. I thought long and hard. I said, "yes, baby. he did. but that doesnt mean he knew Jesus Christ as his personal savior."

Harrison said, "well, i want to know if he'll be in heaven."

I said, "i guess we will see someday."

harrison said, "will I be in heaven?" I answered, "if you believe that God sent His only Son to die on a cross for your sins."

Harrison said, "I do believe that and I want to tell God."

I said, "why dont you go talk this over with your dad."

he went inside and a little later he and Tim came outside and wanted to pray together and my first born, my baby, accepted Christ as his Savior. what an incredible day.

I prayed for this day. I prayed for my son's soul. what a glorious day.

and who knew, Michael Jackson would insight just deep conversations.

:) thanks michael. hope to see you there.

Owl take it

2011-02-12T08:53:00.000-08:00

So in november my husband made me this for my birthday:

He knows me very well. I have a serious fondness for most animals and it reaches a level of awe when it comes to owls. I can only guess its because I had an owl as a kid for a short period of time. My dad is a veterinarian and back in the day (oh my word. cant believe that phrase can describe my childhood) there werent many rehabilitation centers and veterinarians ended up taking in creatures of all kinds. one day an injured barn owl was brought in to the clinic so we became owl nurses.
Ever since that day I was in love. I have been fortunate to spot a few incredible owls in my life. There's a great horned owl that lives in the park near my house. And a couple that live on a friends land we frequent often. Ive seen plenty of Eastern Screech owls around my house and always stop everything to admire them. my sweet gorgeous husband took notice and for my last birthday - i turned 29 :)- ok, maybe not but its how old we FEEL right??- he made me an owl house. he researched how to make it specific to owls and worked hard on it to make it perfect. I was impressed.
I researched specifications on placement of the house and we hung it in december in our back yard. I was hopeful that in the next year or so we would have an owl family take up residence.
It didnt take near that long. It only took about 2 months for an owl to find this home perfect.

he sits for most of the day in the opening sound asleep. Occasionally when the blue jays are being particularly annoying he'll retreat inside the house.
Its been such a treat to watch him. Hes an eastern screech owl. his main diet is snakes, lizards, ROACHES (heck yeah!), and the sort. finally, a creature we get to take care of that CONTRIBUTES MORE THAN HE TAKES! my dog, contributes some but cant make up for the poundage of hair left on the floor, and my cats.... are well. cats.

they do whatever they dang well please. and eat tons.

when my husband gave me the owl house he said "happy birthday baby". when I called him a couple days ago to say an owl was in the house he said, "happy valentines day baby." ummmm.... I dont think so.... :)

Art Day!

2011-02-05T07:11:00.001-08:00

Harrison had his art day at kingdom kids this week. I loved his piece which he titled "lightening".
We had a great time looking at all the art the kids did.

I was intrigued by his imagination with his painting of lightening. I wish i had an inside view of what was in his head. kids are so creative!

look at the one above and left of harrison, the orange and yellow pendulum painting. That student titled it "butterfly". I see it! I probably would've titled it "pendulum painting". cause thats the extent of my imagination. but I was just so blown away by the artistry, imagination, creativity, insight, and beauty.

here is H in 2009 at an art show:

and 2011:

what a change....

Iced coffee

2011-01-29T15:49:00.000-08:00

I love coffee. Coffee of almost any kind. It is one of my favorite things. (but not the HEB off brand- yuck, even the great value walmart brand is better than the HEB brand). - your welcome-

Back to the point. I like the iced coffee that starbucks makes but at this point in our lives, I dont like their prices. so, i concocted a recipe that in my opinion is really good and quite possibly better than starbucks. :)

Heres the recipe:

1 cup of room temperature coffee. (i just use whatever is left in the coffee pot from that morning)

2 tablespoons (or more- to taste) of dulche de leche (found by the eagle band condensed milk in the grocery store)
note: I buy it in the can, and scoop the left over into a glass jar and store it in my fridge.

2 tablespoons of sugar

homemade whipping cream (i whip the cream with a tablespoon or so of sugar, and vanilla)

Warm the Dulche de Leche in the microwave for 20-30 sec. add it to a cup of coffee. Stir and mix really well. add the 2 tbsp. of sugar. stir again. pour over ice, add tons :) of whipped cream to the top. add a straw, and call me to thank me later. :)

growing up me

2010-12-10T15:06:00.000-08:00

My parents built the house they still live in today, when I was about 5 years old.
I have a few memories of the building process. When the concrete was being poured we made mud pies in the water trough they used and got into big trouble. We were told, "NO MORE MUD PIES!" so, in response we made more mud pies but we were smarter about it. we buried them in the dirt after we made them. funny. we never could find them when we tried....
but thats not what this post is about.

When my parents built the house they put this stove in:

Not sure what led to that decision but its all I ever remember in terms of a stove. I thought thats what everyone had. I remember watching mom cook all our meals on this stove. Yes, even thanksgiving and christmas meals. When we lost power (which was often cause we lived in the sticks) and it was cold, we'd light the stove and sit near it. which was odd because we DID have a fire place.
This stove brings such memories.

I was home for thanksgiving and as we prepared the meal on this stove it struck me how odd it was and how wonderful it was.
i learned to cook on this old stove. I hope my parents never remodel.
Here is a recipe we made countless times on this stove:

that is my memaws INCREDIBLE pound cake. I love the year scribbled on it. 1972. I am sure it was written on this paper as some random note. This recipe is old. and barely legible. but that doesnt matter. I have it memorized. and yet, we pull it out every time. :)
and this one

its my moms famous beans.
in a world where everything is newer and better and faster and bigger and shinier. I really love some of the old things.

hootycreeks

2010-12-01T06:16:00.000-08:00

I was given a really sweet gift a couple of days ago. My sweet Aunt Debbie handed me a jar as I rushed out the door to leave town. I thought it was so nice. It looked like this:

now, Ive been given these "cookies in a jar" before. tons of times. they make a sweet gift. HOWEVER, I noticed these were not the ordinary chocolate chip cookies and I needed a desert for a get together at my house so I quickly threw together these cookies. They were INCREDIBLE. shockingly so. I was amazed! where have they been all my life? does no one love me enough to have given me these before?? my life has been drastically changed. how i lived so long (ok, not THAT long!) without these I will never know.

so, because I love you so much, I give you:

Hootycreeks:
The layers in the jar give a pretty "sand art" appearance that makes the jar pretty enough to give as a gift along with the instructions for making the recipe.

Makes about 36
5/8 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup rolled oats
1/2 cup all-purpose flour (note: flour is divided to make separate layers in the jar. If you are not making a Gift-in-a-jar, just combine the two flour measurements)
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup brown sugar
1/3 cup white sugar
1/2 cup dried cranberries
1/2 cup white chocolate chips
1/2 cup chopped pecans

Layer the ingredients in a 1 quart or 1 liter jar, in the order listed. Attach a tag with the following instructions: (or dont, and just make them for yourself!)

Preheat oven to 350 F. Grease a cookie sheet or line it with parchment paper. In a medium mixing bowl, beat together 1/2 cup softened butter, 1 egg and 1 teaspoon of vanilla until fluffy. Add the entire jar of ingredients, and mix together by hand until well blended. Drop by heaping spoonfuls onto the prepared baking sheet, about 2 inches apart. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes, or until edges are lightly browned.

these instructions are for putting everything in a jar and presenting as a gift but let me say- you MUST make these at least once for yourself. I know Im bossy but you will thank me!

when I am not putting these together as a gift, I just add together all the dry ingredients in one bowl, in another I beat together the softened (very- melted almost) butter, egg, and vanilla, then add to the dry ingredients and mix by hand. then I use my hands to put them onto a cookie sheet.

candy houses....

2010-11-30T10:35:00.000-08:00

when you were a kid, did you ever imagine living in a house of candy? I did. I remember vividly planning what kind of house, what everything was made of, door jams of striped candy canes, knobs made of gum drops.... maybe I had too much free time... and when I heard the story of hansel and gretel... well that was downright evil my opinion. some creepy old lady luring kids into a dream house...it ruined my dreams of candy houses with cotton candy snow on the roof... nasty old lady!

Every year we have a post thanksgiving tradition. It typically takes place a couple days after thanksgiving day. All the cousins get together and create gingerbread houses. Its loads of fun, work, mess, and laughs. Here are some of the pictures from this years gingerbread house party.

chili days...

2010-11-08T07:14:00.001-08:00

Ok, the weather FINALLY figured out it was time to cool off! And can I say, I AM IN HEAVEN!
I love fall. I love pumpkins, sweaters, jackets, gloves, fires, coffee, thanksgiving, I love everything about fall.
except one thing. it reminds me that I HATE daylight savings. I mean i get why it was started, but Id like to opt out. I love the way its presented, "you GAIN an hour sleep!" maaaalarky! they took it from you in the spring! I didnt necessarily have such animosity towards the DST program when I was younger but since Ive had kids,its become quite the hostile relationship. Arizona got it right on this one. Skip the whole thing!

ok, rant over. I do think fall is great for foods I refuse to have anything to do with in the 105 degree summers, like soups, chilis, cider, hot chocolate.... its nice to vary our menu some at home. this last saturday (EPIC aggie game day) I decided to make a new and untested chili recipe for visiting family and friends. I know, Im a rebel. good thing it was a hit!

Its a bit weird calling for ingredients like unsweetened cocoa and beer, but it was really good. I didnt invent it but I sure did cook it and so, I pass it on:

Best Chili

Ingredients:

2 1/2 lb. lean chuck, ground
1 lb. lean pork, ground
4 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 cup finely chopped onion
8 oz. hunt's tomato sauce
1 cup water
1 can beer (12 oz.)
3 Tablespoons chili powder
2 Tablespoons instant beef bouillon (or 6 cubes)
2 Tablespoons cumin, ground
2 teaspoons paprika
2 teaspoons oregano leaves
2 teaspoons sugar
1/2 teaspoon coriander, ground
1 teaspoon unsweetened cocoa
1/2 teaspoon Louisiana hot sauce
1 teaspoon cornmeal
1 teaspoon flour
1 teaspoon warm water

Directions:

1. In a large saucepan brown 1 1/4 pounds of the ground meat (the beef and the pork), drain the fat.

2. Remove meat (the beef and the pork). Brown the rest of the ground meat, drain all but 2 tablespoons of the fat.

3. Add the garlic and onion, cook and stir until tender.

4. Add the other half of the meat and the tomato sauce, water, beer, chili powder, bouillon, cumin, paprika, oregano, sugar, coriander, cocoa, and hot sauce. Mix well.

5. Bring to a boil then reduce heat and simmer, covered , for 2 hours.

6. In a small bowl, stir together the cornmeal and flour, then add the warm water and mix well.

7. Stir into chili and cook, covered, for an additional 20 minutes.

it comes from momswhothink

Finally- The Studio

2010-10-18T09:15:00.000-07:00

We recently moved and the house we bought had a detached "pool house". only, the pool is long gone. It was then converted by the previously owners to a "sound proof music studio". we love having a sound proof place for band practices but we knew it would need to be multi-functional. So we set out to do a "small, easy, quick" conversion to a music studio/ guest house. Easy right? nope. we added plumbing for the bathroom and kitchenette- that was a HUGE hurdle. we painted every inch of that studio- including the floors. We were on a VERY tight budget so we repurposed/reused/reclaimed everything we ended up with in the guest house. The kitchen cabinets came from my great grandmothers house in Louisinna that was falling down, the counter top in the kitchen is an old door, the chalkboard I made from an old window, the funky fruit drawer kitchen piece was an old hardware cabinet from craigslist, the headboard a $5 door tim converted for the bed, everything else was garage sale/craigslist/thrift store purchases.

Here are the pictures: there are only a few "befores"...

and this is a slideshow of the boys for the grandparents who couldnt care less about the studio and just want MORE PICTURES OF THE BOYS! :)

2010-09-16T14:43:00.001-07:00

I am a mom of boys. I know how to handle boys. Yes, my boys regularly embarrass the holy mess outta me but I can handle them. Its really rather uncomplicated. If they are grumpy- feed them. whiny- nap them. aggressive- get out the pillows. restless- toss them outside with water guns. They dont care what they wear. They will eat anything. They dont "bicker" they fight. physically. If you cant reason them out of a fight- offer food. it'll distract at least one of them. its not complicated.

I have a pretty good understanding of parenting boys. I live in a uncomplicated world. at least until last week. last week we saw a new heartbeat. a new very wiggly baby. yep, there's gonna be another suel. and i was FINE, i was ok, i thought,"one more, its ok. we can do this." then as i lay there watching that wiggly baby on the sonogram screen a thought struck me: what if its a girl??!

then panic arose. i started thinking. I dont know how to tie a bow. I dont even wear skirts never mind dresses! its true- ask anyone who really knows me. I dont even think my clothes match on a regular basis. i dont care about makeup. my hair is too wierd to do anything with. WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH A GIRL??!

then, slowly when my vision quit swimming, i thought about 20 years down the road. I thought, sons grow up find a scary conniving girl to steal them from their mommas and they never come back. but GIRLS. they come back right? they want to spend Christmases and thanksgiving with their parents. right?

so, to combat the panic in the back of my head that is constantly causing me to hyperventilate and pass out I think about that. I think: maybe 20 years down the road, after dating, pms, hormonal outbursts, and high school drama, she'll come back and sit at the table with me and drink coffee. and relish my insight and wisdom gained from many years down this road. right?? right?!

or it could be a boy. and all we have to do is beef up our medical insurance. :)

My baby

2010-08-30T07:29:00.000-07:00

Harrison,

Happy birthday. Today is your 5th birthday and I cannot believe it has been 5 years! I wanted to share with you just how much you changed my life. The night before I went into the hospital to give birth to you I was so nervous. Not of the pain, not of complications, but of the changes that you would bring to my life. I was so afraid of losing something in my life when I became a mom. Little did I know that my life would begin when you were born. Everything DID change but it changed wonderfully. You have taught me how to serve selflessly, you taught me to love to a degree I had never known. You taught me how God loves us and how He sees us. I never knew love like this. You introduced me to a new incredible world. Seen through different eyes. I treasure every moment with you! I love how you look after your "bubby" and how you are so careful and responsible. I love how you play, how you care for others, how you see the world as God's creation. You are a jewel and you are precious to me.

Happy birthday Harrison!

here's some pictures of your birthday. Oh what fun we had!

chicken strips x2 (two meals in one!)

2010-08-25T15:16:00.000-07:00

Alright, now I am sure most of you can fix up some fried chicken strips with your eyes closed but I discovered a nice trick. Next time you make the chicken strips- make a BUNCH and use the left overs for a completely different meal the next day. Heres how it works:

Day1 make some chicken strips and while you're at it, make 2x as many as your family will eat.

Chicken Strips:

Ingredients
Chicken Breasts, Cut Into Strips
Buttermilk
1-½ cup Flour
2 teaspoons Lawry's Seasoning Salt (or Spices Of Your Choosing)
Vegetable Oil

Preparation Instructions
Thaw the chicken breasts and cut into strips. Next, in a bowl soak the chicken strips in buttermilk for 15 to 20 minutes (or longer if you’d like).

In another bowl combine about 1 ½ cups flour and 2 teaspoons of Lawry’s Seasoning Salt (or other seasonings if you prefer). Mix this together well. Next, add about ¼ to ½ cup of buttermilk into the flour mixture and stir lightly with a fork as you add it.

Heat about 1 inch of vegetable oil in a large skillet over medium-low to medium heat.

Remove a few of the buttermilk-soaked strips and place them in the flour mixture, turning them over to coat them thoroughly. Place them on a plate. Continue coating chicken strips until they are all ready to cook.

When the oil is sufficiently heated, begin cooking the strips a few at a time. Cook them for about a minute and a half or so on each side. When golden and crispy, remove them to a paper towel-lined plate.

Serve with your favorite dipping sauce. Yum!
My favorite is honey mustard. (just mix some dijon mustand, honey and little paprika) yum!

now: serve the strips your family will eat and put the left overs in the fridge.

Day2 chicken Parmesan

Reheat the chicken strips (preferably not in the microwave-bake them in the oven to heat through)

Boil one package of penne pasta

Heat your favorite pasta sauce in a sauce pan- (i like to add a handful of brown sugar to store bought sauce)

when the penne pasta is al dente (almost done) drain it and put in the sauce pan with the pasta sauce. let it simmer for 5-10 minutes.

Serve the pasta with 2-3 chicken strips ontop. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese.

and now you have chicken Parmesan. Yumo!

crockpot it baby! #

2010-08-21T13:24:00.000-07:00

I am so sick of getting my hopes up by the magazines in line at the grocery store claiming to have 30 recipes that kids WILL eat and take 5 ingredients or less and 10 minutes to cook... really?? i get my hopes up EVERY. TIME. then I flip through the $8.99 magazine to discover "crispy pork cutlets with arugula and apple salad." my kids? no way. or "Salmon and zucchini with shallot vinaigrette." haaaaaaa. haaaaa. hang on, that one made me laugh till I cried. There is NO way I have shallots OR salmon in my fridge. Come on people. give me REAL recipes. that my kids WILL eat. AND with items that are ALREADY in my fridge. wishful thinking apparently.

So, Ive decided to start collecting recipes are ARE easy. that ARE good and kid friendly.

Id love to add any that you know of, so if you have one, email it to me and Ill post it. Maybe we can come up with a series of nice, family meals.

I'll start.
I guess I'll call this crockpot chicken. ITS SO GOOD and my ENTIRE family *loves* it!

Crockpot chicken:

Ingredients
4-6 boneless skinless ckicken breasts
1 can black beans
1 can sweet whole kernel corn
1 package cream cheese
1 jar salsa.

Get out crockpot. Put FROZEN chicken breasts in crockpot (uhuh! starts with frozen. that why i love it!). pour 1 can drained black beans into crock pot, pour 1 can drained corn into crockpot. pour in salsa (can be WHATEVER leftover salsa you have or dust off that salsa in the back of the pantry. it doesnt even have to taste good.)put lid on crockpot. cook 4-5 hours. about 45 minutes before serving put the cream cheese on top. (you just plunk it on top- dont stir it in until right before you serve).
enjoy.

leave me a comment if you make it. Id love to hear from you!

skillful parenting

2010-07-28T08:16:00.000-07:00

This is a 5 minute video of a common interaction with a 2 year old. I mainly posted this for grandparents to watch. And to show parents out there how to effectively parent a 2 year old. with bridery. cause thats how i roll.

July. 21st. 2010.

2010-07-17T17:47:00.000-07:00

Lockett,
My sweet Rocky. Today is your birthday. You share it with your dad. He and I couldn’t have imagined how much laughter, enjoyment, love, and happiness you would bring to our family. You are a treasure that I cannot even describe. You are a gift from God and I love each minute I have with you. For your birthday we are celebrating with friends and family in our backyard. Two things you love to do are play in the “waaaweee. (water)” and feed the “wucks”. So for your birthday, we splash, we play in the waaaweee and we feed the wucks. We hope you enjoy your birthday and we are so happy you belong with us.
These are some of our favorite moments over the past year with you:

And to the love of my life,
Happy birthday Rayford. You have been everything I ever dreamed I wanted. You are a great dad, an incredible husband, and a gorgeous man. Happy birthday. We love you! And we celebrate with waaawee, wucks, and choochoo quains.  you are a great dad to share your day. And I promise, someday, you’ll get a birthday cake that DOESN’T have a cartoon character on it.

All my love,
~t

Homemade Vanilla Bean Icecream

2010-07-16T17:07:00.000-07:00

There is no summer in the South without homemade ice cream. Come by it however you can. At your mom’s, your in-laws, your friend’s, however. If you cant get someone else to invite you over for homemade ice cream… make it yourself. But whatever you do, don’t let this summer get by without some.

Here’s my new favoritest homemade ice cream recipe:

Madagascar Bourbon Vanilla Bean Ice Cream

Ingredients
• 1 whole Vanilla Bean, Split And Scraped (I used these)
• 3 cups Half-and-half
• 2 cups Sugar
• 8 whole Large Egg Yolks
• 3 cups Heavy Cream
Preparation Instructions
Heat half-and-half and 2 cups sugar in a saucepan over low heat, adding vanilla “caviar” (use a sharp knife to cut down the middle of the bean lengthwise- then scrape out the inside- that’s the “caviar”) to the mixture. (You can also drop in the scraped vanilla bean, just to extract all the flavor. Make sure to discard the bean before moving to the next step.) Turn off heat when mixture is totally heated.

(thats not gunk on my spoon- its vanilla bean.... )
Beat egg yolks by hand or with an electric mixer until yolks are pale yellow and slightly thick. Temper the egg yolks by slowly drizzling into the 1 1/2 cups of hot half-and-half mixture, whisking constantly. After that, pour the egg yolk/half-and-half mixture into the pan containing the rest of the half-and-half mixture. Cook over low to medium-low heat (depending on how hot your stove gets) until quite thick, stirring constantly. Drain custard using a fine mesh strainer, then pour into a bowl with the heavy cream. Stir to combine.

Chill mixture completely, then freeze in an ice cream maker until thick. Place container in freezer to harden for at least eight hours.
Serve with something chocolate. Enjoy!

lazy summer days....

2010-07-15T14:24:00.000-07:00

so lazy no writing, just pictures...

2010-05-01T11:20:00.001-07:00

Today I made Dewberry Jam.

I took abunch of dewberries and smashed them until I got 4 cups of smashed dewberries. (I put half through a strainer so there werent so many seeds)

I added 7 cups of sugar. yep 7. but come on. its jam. its not like you eat it by the spoonful. or at least you shouldnt :)

I put the dewberries and sugar on the stove and cooked on high until it came to a rolling boil.

Then I added one pouch of Certo Liquid Fruit Pectin. Returned it to a rolling boil and let it boil for exactly 1 minute.

I took hot jars out of the dishwasher (i start them on a wash cycle to sterilize and leave them in there until I am ready). I ladled the hot dewberry jam into the jars. Then I put the 2 piece lids on (these had been in a hot water bath and set aside.)

I put all the jars into a canner that was on the stove with boiling water in it (I use a jar holder to keep from being burned). I boiled the jars for 10 minutes, took them out (with the jar holder) and set them on the counter.

24 hours later, DEWBERRY JAM.

yummy!

dewberries.....

2010-04-26T14:23:00.001-07:00

its dewberry season.

last week we walked the massive expanse of Aaron's land and looked for dewberries. And this is a bit dramatic for me (its more tim's style) :) but I felt my soul breathe for the first time in months. and months. I let my hands glide across the tall grass and listened to the grasshoppers. and watched the deer. and got startled by a huge crane taking flight. I breathed. and i got a very brief glimpse of heaven.

We picked the dewberries we found. It has started. We will be picking everyday for two weeks or so. Some have asked me what I do with the berries. Everything. I make cobblers, jam, sauce, you name it. we love them. they are childhood in a bowl.

Today I made a cobbler.

I started with 4 cups of dewberries. Thats not alot.

then I combined the dewberries, 1 cup sugar, 1/4 cup instant tapioca, 1 1/3 cups apple juice, and 2 tablespoons butter. and set it aside.

then i stopped to put a couple boys in time out for hitting each other with sticks.

then, I Sifted together 2 cups flour, 2 tablespoons sugar, 4 tsp baking powder, and 1/2 tsp salt. Cut in 6 tbls. shortening until mixture resembles coarse meal. Added 2/3 cup milk all at once; stirred just until flour is dampened. Rolled out on a lightly floured surface and cut into 8-10 rounds, about 2 1/2 inches in diameter.then I sprinkled the rounds with sugar and ground nutmeg.

then I Poured the blackberries into a greased baking dish (i used an 8x8)then placed the rounds on top of berries.

I Baked at 425° for 30 minutes.

Delicious.

Now, back out to the "brumbles" to pick more!

I have a grip on reality, just not this particular one

2010-04-19T15:05:00.000-07:00

Its been a while since Ive been able to post regularly. Like I said before, we have moved. a week after we moved into our new house i went to work for 10 days out of town. my inlaws graciously drove all the way from NEW YORK to stay with the boys while I worked. it went great. but everything went NUTS when i got back home.

I struggled with whether or not to post this or even share about it at all, but most people have known "something" was up, and a few people got some tidbits here and there so, i decided i would clear it all up. or at least try to.

About 2 years about I was in a really bad wreck. A big truck hit me at an intersection and knocked me into another car, etc........

The important part of the story is that 2 years later I was still having alot of pain in my neck. I was having a hard time sleeping and tim and I went to the doctor to talk to him about it. He had me do an MRI (not fun) and after he reviewed the results he said it didnt seem to be major, but perhaps a muscle relaxer and a mild pain killer would help. I was skeptical about taking medicines, so i asked, "is it safe? what about pregnancy? what about side effects?" I didnt want to be "loopy" during the day- I had to take care of the "wild childs" :) He said, "nope, its perfectly safe, basically a strong advil". I said ok, hopped off the table and left. not another thought about it.

I filled the prescription for Tramadol (ultram) and didnt think much about it. I took it as prescribed and ONLY as prescribed. but I never googled it or thought about it again. It really did help. All I really noticed was that my neck stopped hurting. When I would begin to feel it, I took the medicine. that was about 2months ago.
When I came back from working those 10 days away from home I was really feeling more and more uncomfortable with being on a drug I had to take daily. Something in my spirit became really restless about it. I wasnt sure why, but I decided I would stop taking it and see how I felt. I thought that perhaps after being on the medicine for 2 months that maybe my neck had gotten better. So I just stopped taking it. the events unfolded like this:

The morning after I had made the decision to stop the medicine, I was talking on the phone to my sister. We were having an innocent light conversation and out of NOWHERE i couldnt breathe. I felt what i figured was a panic attack. I remember trying to just get off the phone without letting on anything was wrong and I grabbed the kitchen counter and had to slow my breathing. I tried to rationalize it. I tried to figure out where this had come from. Was I freaked about money? the kids? school? work? church? marriage? ummmm, yes. to all those things. I couldnt pinpoint why I felt like I was in a dead panic. Slowly it subsided. Im not huge on communication, so i didnt say anything to anyone. I figured it was a one time, weird thing.

But it wasnt. the panic came and went. It was SOOOO very unlike me. The next morning I woke up and it was UNBEARABLE. I had night sweats, and I mean soak the sheets, night sweats. I called my dad. I was very upset. I asked him if it could be a reaction to a medicine. He asked me what I was taking. I said, "nothing anymore. I WAS taking Tramadol. but i quit it a couple days ago." He said, "Tara, its the medicine. Tramadol is a SERIOUS drug. It is not uncommon for people to have major withdrawal from that medicine. it HAS to be stepped off of. NEVER quit cold turkey. It can cause seizures, it can be very serious." I was stunned.

I then did what any rational person would have done BEFORE introducing a major drug into their bodies and I googled it. I was stunned. page after page of withdrawal symptoms. All of which i fit to a T. panic, anxiety, nausea, vomiting, fever, weight loss (15 pounds....the only benefit as i see it!), night sweats, hallucinations (no, my cat was NOT perched on the sink watching me), restless leg syndrome..... and on and on. There were THOUSANDS of forums from people begging for help on how to deal with the withdrawal. Several doctors likened the withdrawal symptoms to drugs such as heroine.

Turns out, it takes about 2 weeks for the stuff to completely leave your system as it wreaks havoc on your serotonin levels and is an opioid. And apparently, it only causes a problem when you want to STOP taking it. There is no high, no euphoria, nothing. nada. you have NO idea that the drug is making your body DEPENDANT on it.

So, now, after what felt like an eternity, i am slowly getting back to normal (whatever that really is) and I have a deeper empathy for anyone dealing with anxiety disorder, or drug dependency, or addictions.

I also have this to say: if you are on Tramadol. TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR. if your doctor tries to give you tramadol. RUN FOR THE DOOR.

and if one more person calls me a junkie, well... we'll ALL see crazy. :)

ps. one thing that the doctors said would help is physical activity. So, I got busy in the garden. as hard as it was, physical work, and being outdoors helped ALOT.

I never could have imagined......

2010-03-22T09:03:00.000-07:00

When i was younger and i let my mind wonder to what my life would look like as a mom, I NEVER would have imagined that i would ever find myself calling our doctor at midnight and asking him how to retrieve a rubber stamp from the furthest regions of my son's nasal cavity. Nor did i imagine myself leaving my beloved baby in the grocery cart at Walmart (this still makes me break out in hives). And I never imagined myself asking the dentist if his teeth would be permantly shoved over to the side because of a fall, or exactly how should we remove our sons head from the chair spindles....

but i think this week takes the I NEVER IMAGINED AWARD.

This week i found myself renting a have-a-heart trap, (thats an ironic name...)spending three nights trying to trap a crazy raccoon, then submitting him to the shelter so they can "pop off his head" (harrison's words) so that it could be tested rabies. yep. rabies.

it all started like this:

We moved. we FINALLY sold our house and found a house we fell in love with. we bought it and with the help of numerous INCREDIBLE friends, we moved out of the old house and into the new house in two days. it was quite a feat. well, after the first few nights we began to notice a very brazen raccoon eating our cats food and strutting his stuff on our new back porch. Scout- my 24 pound cat who is normally very brave- was cowering in the corner. Tim promptly got his BB gun and shot the raccoon, only to have him come back 2 minutes later. Tim harpooned a big stick at him and again, the raccoon didnt care. So, i stepped outside to rescue scout from the corner and when i picked him up i realized my hands were wet. I turned Scout over and realized he'd been attacked. He was chewed up on his chest. I called my dad, we came to the conclusion that the raccoon had to be captured and tested for rabies and my poor sweet Scout now had to be quarantined for 45 days. so, i rented the trap and spent 3 days chasing down a crazy raccoon so i could "submit the head" to be tested. well, as of this morning, he has been "submitted".

Never, Ever, Ever, did i think for one red hot minute that I would be telling my friends that I couldnt come over because I was busy trying to catch a raccoon so its head could be "popped off".

We will be notified of the results by thursday.

So, new mom responsibility: keep babies safe from possibly rabid raccoon.

By the way, we've moved, we love our new house, and we are sooooo blessed to have such amazing friends that helped us move. thanks guys!

huey helicopter

2010-03-08T09:06:00.000-08:00

I recently went to tyler on my monthly treck and it was a very quick trip. On Saturday my sister Tess called me and asked if I wanted to go to the tyler airport with her and her kids to see a B-17 bomber aircraft. My grandfather flew one of these in the war and we were interested in taking a tour of one to see it. They had it on display at the airport. Since Harrison over heard us talking about it, it was a done deal. he was very excited to go. my parents decided since all the grand kids were going to go, they would too.

We got there and saw some incredible airplanes.we got to get inside a b-17 airplane and it was unbelievable. i have a new respect for those pilots! While we were there we saw a Huey Helicopter (the ones used in Vietnam war-no doors open bays). My dad asked if we wanted to ride one. I was a bit surprised and said YES! i would love it. next thing i knew Tess, jonathan, harrison, Super D (my dad), and I were loading up in a helicopter! One with NO doors and (if you ask me) cheesy seat belts! (see my hand firmly grasped on harrison's? it was like that the entire flight. not once did i let go!!):) We took a flight over tyler and it was AWESOME. quiet possibly one of the most incredible things I have ever done. We all had a blast.

O Sweet Godiva!

2010-02-13T10:51:00.001-08:00

So, Valentines is coming! Tomorrow to be exact. We are excited here as it is a great day that we get to stuff ourselves with sweets. For as long as I can remember my mom has sent us Godiva chocolates but this year she outdid herself. She sent the boys these WONDERFUL godiva teddy bear wagon chocolates (yep, its SOLID godiva chocolate) and sent tim and i a big heart full of the chocolates. Oh sweet godiva day!

10 things i learned on our trip to new york

2010-01-01T17:05:00.000-08:00

1. there ARE women who dip snuff and spit into a bottle
2. snow is fun to play in for about 10 minutes.
3. 9 degrees is not suitable for human beings for ANY length of time.
4. if you get up from your seat on an airplane while moving on a runway the flight attendant WILL take you out.
5. if you arent prepared to help an airsick passenger seated next to you, the flight attendant will publicly shame you.
6. take bathroom breaks BEFORE layering on the insane amounts of clothing required for 10 minutes of snow play.
7. sitting by the fireplace on a snowy christmas day is heavenly.
8. the buffalo airport walkway operators need to pass proficiency tests before being let loose to operate large retractable hallways people are to walk on.
9.sledding is like having ice cold water misted at your face while going 90 miles an hour.
10. traveling with my family is the best thing on planet earth.

Orchard Park Sledding

2009-12-27T11:27:00.001-08:00

We have flown to New York for Christmas to be with Tim's parents. We went sledding last week at Orchard Park Sledding Park. We had a blast!

a very special Baby

2009-12-19T11:06:00.000-08:00

dynamic duo.....

2009-11-12T12:32:00.001-08:00

so, funny story.......

remember, at the doctor's office, the clipboard lady? (if not, click the link to read the story)

well, we are getting quite the reputation at the doctor's office.

Last week i went to tyler and while there, i got VERY sick. i came down with the stomach bug from hell. its really bad. no fever, nothing except throwing up continually. its soooooooo bad. i had to get shots of zofran to make the nausea stop just so i could function. on saturday i finally felt well enough to drive us back to college station.

we had a routine appointment for lockett at the doctors office monday morning. I got up, felt totally normal, and was excited to be home, everyone was healthy, i was ready for a normal week. i loaded the boys in the car and headed to lockett's appointment.

i was driving down hwy 6 when harrison says, "mom, i am gonna be sick." i thought -oh please NO! i told him to close his eyes and breath slowly that i couldnt pull over on hwy 6. (it scares me to death to be on the side of a hwy). harris says, "no mom, i am gonna be sick NOW!" i quickly pull over to the shoulder and jump out and run like a crazy woman around the car, jerk the door open just in time to catch the first load of throw up in my hands. and it just keeps comin. i pull him out of the car and there, on the side of the highway harrison and mommy are standing..... harrison is soooo sick. he got throw up all over his car seat, his clothes, me, his deetdeet (his linus blanket) it was just everywhere. and i was quickly feeling sick myself.

I stripped his shirt off there on the side of the road (much to his horror) and did my best to clean up. the only thing i had was a package of dried up wipes. so, we drove straight to the doctor appointment and harrison had to walk up to the office shirtless. he was so mortified. he used lockett's blanket to cover up with and lockett was screaming his head off in protest of this violation of his blanket. i was covered in throw up. we were quite a sight. and just guess who greets us....... the clipboard lady. yeah for me. yeah for this crazy life. my boys are gonna owe me BIG time.

heres a picture of our halloween costumes:

managing the circus

2009-10-13T14:15:00.000-07:00

Some of you may have wondered where i have been. I went to church this Sunday and was asked my name and harrison's name at his sunday school class. (that tells me we've been gone TOO much!)
It started in September. I flew to New York, drove to Massachusetts, then came home for 1 day, then to tyler, then home for 1 day, then to Roundtop to work for 10 days. During the 10 day work gig i left my boys with their Nina. they LOVED staying with her and let me say this: it was weird being single and childless for 10 days. When i worked in roundtop i stayed in a little rental house and worked 10-12 hour days.
I missed my boys and Tim alot but it was such a great time. I got to live with my sister during those days (like we did in college!) and it is a VERY good thing to miss your kids. I decided shortly before i left to work that i NEEDED to miss them. :)
I had a lot of time to reflect (there was no Internet or tv) and i did alot of thinking. Mainly i had the opportunity to think about life without kids. There was no drama, no freak-outs, no daily humiliation. yes, humiliation. everyday i wake up i fear what will happen today to horrifically embarrass me. like, leaving my child at walmart, or spilling paint everywhere, cuss words coming from my 4 year old., etc...... I started to wonder why I have to be daily embarrassed by my kids (though the joys are daily also... why cant it ALL be joy??!) I began to wonder what i needed to learn and why God feels i hadnt learned it yet. then, thank you Lord, the opportunity provided itself for me to see that i hadnt learned much of anything.
I was at a friends wedding and I was doing my best to control my WILD 1 year old. he wasnt being loud, he was just moving all over the place. he didnt want to be held so i walked to the back of the wedding and placed him on the ground and he began to play happily with rocks. he toddled here and there all far away from the wedding and i thought, not being an issue. WRONG! after a few moments a woman came over to me and asked me to "control my child". The tongue lashing that i wanted to give was of EPIC proportions. Instead of a gentle and calm answer i wanted to shout, "IF I KNEW HOW TO DO THAT LADY, I'D WRITE A BOOK AND BE A MILLIONAIRE!". instead, i picked Lockett up and went to the parking lot. yep, a sweet friends wedding spent in the parking lot. I began to secretly congratulate myself on what an amazing sacrificial christian i was. bull malarkey. It began to dawn on me that God cared about what my heart was feeling not just what i did or said. yes, it was a minor victory that i kept my mouth shut (some of you who know me would say miracle) but it has finally penetrated this thick skull that God doesnt just want a clamped shut mouth. he wants a kind, forgiving heart.
so, the work continues. :)

here's a photo of where i spent my 10 days working:

Great Times in New York

2009-10-01T09:40:00.000-07:00

Ive been busy and unable to post anything but i wanted to share this wonderful picture. I am sure little lockett will kill me someday for this photograph but it makes me laugh out loud. I just love how much it displays his personality. what a sweet, happy boy.

Dearest Harrison,

2009-08-30T18:04:00.000-07:00

Today you are four years old. I can hardly believe it. you have grown up SO much. you have grown into a sweet loving little boy who i enjoy spending time with. your sense of humor is incredible (i think you inherited that from me :) and i love how your mind works. you are a thinker and so very smart.

things that you love right now are: robots, transformers, the movie BOLT, your cousins, the BOUNCE, musical instruments (especially drums!), deetdeet, your little bubby "wocket" or "rocky", and building forts.

some of my favorite memories with you are traveling to maine, watching your eyes light up as you see the ocean, and you really liked Bar Harbor (this year especially cause Campbell came with us), you also loved New York and eating wings at Anchor Bar. (your very favorite food is wings).

i love you and i love who you are growing to be. i cant wait to spend many years together sharing memories and laughing together. harrison, your dad and i are so blessed that God chose us to be your mom and dad. you and lockett are the most valuable things in the world to us.

Happy Birthday Harris. i love you.

8-6-09

2009-08-06T16:22:00.000-07:00

just another day....

2009-08-01T21:20:00.000-07:00

i dont have a picture to put with this post and for that i am sorry (to the grandparents) and i am thankful that i dont have a picture to remind me of this day.

I had a project i needed to accomplish. mistake #1.

I worked really hard all day to get everything ready and prepared and perfect for me to accomplish a labor intensive project.

to complete my project i needed to run a quick errand. mistake #2. (there are no quick errands with babies)

i decided it was well within my ability to run to lowes with harris, lockett, and tim in tow. mistake #3.

we went in and not two seconds past the "oh i want that new grill!" isle, we came to the paint section. all i needed was white paint. i assumed it would be quick, easy, not complicated or in need of customer service help. mistake #4.

just as i am finding what i might need, i hear, "momma, i gotta poop." ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!?? tim says, "its ok, i got this. come on harris, lets go find a potty." mistake #5.

so i continue my hunt. i needed 2 cans of a white paint that lowes only had 1 of. ugh. i put the one can in the buggy with lockett. mistake #6.

lockett promptly picks up the large paint bucket and hurls it at the floor. before my horrified eyes i see the bucket hit the floor and paint go in EVERY direction.

i was speechless. customer service help now required. as we wait for help to clean up, "huge paint spill, isle 7" tim and harrison walk up. tim looks shocked. he says "are you serious?! well all i can say is, who was watching the baby??!"

tim stops and leans in and says, "i have poopy underwear in my pocket." i cannot wrap my mind around these words so i search for understanding. Tim says, "yep. harris is going commando and we gotta go." ugh again.

i desperately grab any two cans of white paint and head for the check out. (clean up on isle 7 is occurring with many onlookers).

later that night, about 11pm when we are gathered with friends laughing and talking, tim puts his hand into his pocket and in front of everyone pulls out the forgotten poopy underwear.

this is my life.

2009-07-21T19:33:00.000-07:00

My dearest lockett,

today you are 1 year old. i cannot believe how quickly the time has flown by. it seems like yesterday we were told you had to be delivered a month early. we were so worried about you. we prayed alot and God gave us a wonderful, healthy, strong boy. this year you have learned so much. you have learned to feed yourself, crawl, pull yourself up, and some sign language.(you know how to say "more" and "all done!"). your favorite words are momma, daddy, ball, monkey (-your favorite stuffed animal who is stinky and a bit gross but you love him dearly), hi, and bye.
you have brought us tremendous joy and tons of laughter. you are so laid back, easy going, and are always game for whatever (or wherever) we are up to.
we celebrated your birthday at Nina and SuperD's. we had birthday presents and a cake. you were so tired by the time we got the cake out that you got angry and cried because cake got on your fingers and never actually ate any of your own birthday cake! :)
you share your birthday with your dad. we celebrated his birthday also. he got steaks, grilled stuffed onions, and a german chocolate cake for his birthday. he loves sharing his birthday with you. he always says, "i got the best birthday present. i got a son."
lock, happy birthday. you are very special to us and we look forward to many years together.

my march...

2009-07-06T15:39:00.000-07:00

today i spoke to a very close friend of mine who had a bad mom day. she has started potty training her daughter and is on about day 4. and oh how i feel her pain. i am not sure why she called me though. i have nothing -no advise whatsoever- to offer anyone in this area.

though, i do believe i deserve a medal. or maybe a sash (kinda like a beauty queen one), or maybe a badge. a certificate in the very, very least. not because i was so successful that i should write a book, but because i have the stamina of a stinkin penguin!

why a penguin you ask?? then you didnt see March of the Penguins. those animals are serious! walking all that way for months starving to death. so determined. so isolated.

659 days. thats how long we potty trained. 659. six hundred. fifty. nine. of the longest hardest days of my life. for those who've never potty trained it is unexplainable how potty training can wear you out, and absolutely devastate everything in its path. (carpet, sofas, beds, moms, dads, siblings,....)

its funny. one day you are fine with wiping poop off a bottom, cooing, playing with the baby on the changing table. then magically, one day, the genius decision is made to put hokey, disney-themed, over-priced, underwear on them and suddenly, poop- not so funny anymore.

i have never cried so hard, prayed so long, or been so utterly lost for a solution in all my life. trust me.. therapy, counselors, camp, grandparent drop off, and hired help- all seriously considered.

so friends and family, i now, (Lord, please dont let me regret this) declare, my almost 4 year old is.......POTTY TRAINED.

:)

for those in the midst of the march, hang on. there is an end. i offer no solutions, only the prayer of mom who fully understands the heartache, frustration, fury, and tears.

we give it a 9.5

2009-07-01T13:21:00.000-07:00

our vacation this year was one of our absolute favorites.

we've been gone a month. we left for new york june 3 to see tims parents and play music. new york was fabulous and the buffalo wings up there, are well, the best. (wings n more has got it for the south but up there, the anchor bar and duffs. wow)
we got to see Niagara falls (this time with tim AND aaron!), went to the zoo, we made day trips to canada (gorgeous!) and with dale and kathy keeping the kids, tim and i got to go on a few dates!

we left buffalo new york and drove through the finger lakes region, through ithaca, stopped at taughnanook falls, then albany and onto portland maine.

we met up with aaron (again) and the merrimans, and drove on to bar harbor maine. we rented a three story house, everyone had a room and it was in the center of town. it was wonderful! BUT the whole three story thing. Alright, by nature i am clumsy. thats been recorded and documented. however, i took it to a new level. i fell down the stairs 5 times. ouch. i pretty much lived on advil and everyone has their own diagnosis. depth perception, vision, blackouts, tiny strokes, and according to aaron, i just need to watch a video on how stairs are climbed. :)

we hiked all over acadia national park, went to sand beach, collected sea glass (and harris found an expensive knife!), shopped, ate, and had so much fun.

when we tried to fly home all air traffic had been grounded in newark so we sat in a tiny airplane with both CRAZY boys for 3 hours and ended up stuck on newark. we spent the night with no luggage, on our own dime (customer service. HA!).

we are home and dang the heat here! but we definitely had a wonderful time. here is a LENGTHY slide show but there are some great pictures!

LONG TRIP

2009-06-14T17:58:00.000-07:00

i go stir crazy in the car sometimes. so here is what i did to keep myself from going crazy.

this is our road trip from New York to Maine.

2009-06-12T03:04:00.000-07:00

My plan during our month long trek across New York and Maine was to post occasionally on our blog to update our families on where we were and how the trip was going. So we brought my laptop and admittedly my lifeline to the cyber world and my business. I know. I am alittle addicted to communication, work and always available news.

New plan. :) because the score, as I see it, is:

Computer-0. Harrison's butt- 1

So, a little heads up. HP seems to have overlooked butt proofing their laptops. What gives HP?

I DO have my iPhone so I can check emails and do some Internet related activities. Though in tiny and frustrating form. :)

Today we are heading to Portland Maine to pick up Aaron for the second time on this trip and my hope is he in all his superpowers and computer genius will somehow resurrect my laptop. :). Wishful thinking I am sure

So, Maine watch out here we come and we are packing a viciously powerful butt weapon.

or ya could......

2009-06-09T04:36:00.000-07:00

so i've gotten a few emails asking how our trip is going so i thought i'd give a quick rundown. i promise, more details later.

our guitar case now has a duct taped handle.
locket has two more teeth in his mouth.
the weather is mid 60s.. YES!
only one tumble down the stairs...i'll let you guys guess who.
guitar around the firepit, good food, friends and family. its just doesnt get any better. :)(aaron, come back!)

here's a look at tim in serious vacation mode.

you know theres fun being had when kathy lets out a laughter snort!

a huge thank you.....

2009-05-31T18:06:00.000-07:00

this weekend was our bass player's birthday. daniel plays bass with tim and for his birthday he invited all of the band out for dinner. thats quite an undertaking in many different ways. :) we went out to his house and it was GORGEOUS. i mean seriously. amongst many incredible pieces of furniture, a solid marble table and marble chairs, and a who knows what and how, INCREDIBLE carved wood coffee table, that i am very sure lockett was eyeing to use as a teething chew toy.

they served some seriously amazing food. it was really nice to have all the band members together sitting down talking and eating and not playing or busy working.

the boys came with us- harris LOVES daniel and was excited to go to his "birthday party". harrison got to feed the fish, help blow out candles, LOVED the noodles and spring rolls, and had a really great time. tim and i played "pass the baby" with lockett the whole time because i just knew lockett would urp on or chew some priceless heirloom passed down for centuries. nope, we werent going to give him the slightest edge.

here are a few pictures i snapped while juggling babies. daniel, very nice. thank you.

makin' hay.....

2009-05-24T14:49:00.000-07:00

gosh, it feels like ive been gone alot. ive been on the road again and this trip was incredibly productive. it was fun, physical, outdoors, and very very productive.

me and the boys went to tyler to forage. weird, i know. my sisters and i have always picked dewberries and blueberries and we are learning to use what God provides (for free!) to supplement our groceries. so, this week we picked dewberries, for pies, cobblers, and jam. the wild plums are also now ripe so we picked busket <--(what movie????) loads of wild plums and made jelly (they are NOT good to eat raw, they are very tart) but in jelly made with wine, oh holy cow! :)

we also scouted out massive amounts of wild BLACKberries (different from dewberries) and muscadine grapes (again, good jam!), wild strawberries, and blueberries (at a farm) and will pick them when they are ready.

harris and lock are great helpers except lockett eats more than he helps.

we also worked in our family garden. we have TONS of squash! and cucumbers. we are waiting for the tomatoes, bell peppers, cantaloupe, watermelon, pumpkins, peas, and peppers.... boy are we gonna have a haul! its been VERY helpful with the grocery bill.

here are some fun pictures from our foraging

i'd never seen the end of a rainbow before, but i snapped a picture of alyssa walking toward the garden and saw the rainbow behind her, we followed it and the end-ALL THE WAY TO THE GROUND- was right by our garden. seriously, really neat. no gold, but maybe our garden will be extra blessed. :)

camp nana and pawpaw...

2009-05-18T05:58:00.001-07:00

its been a while since i posted and theres a good reason. i have been traveling. occasionally my business requires me to travel and in may i have to go to Massachusetts. this year was different though, since my in laws moved to New York i decided to take the boys to new york and leave them at "camp Nana and Pawpaw" while i drove on to Massachusetts.

We flew up to buffalo and let me tell you, harrison and lock both did great but holy jeeze! lockett is like a bear and i wrestled with him the entire flight. i felt like i had gone 10 rounds straight up WWF style. we got to buffalo and nana and pawpaw picked the boys up at the airport and i got a rental car and drove on to massachusetts.

in massachusetts i worked my tail off, it was probably the hardest week of work since i started this business. the weaker economy was really showing. after the first day working, i got back to the hotel and got very very sick. i was worried that i wouldnt make it back to texas on a plane with two boys! the next morning was bad but better so i bucked up and went back to work. i worked all day and again, sick that night. but the next day, after working part of the day, i drove "the 90" back to buffalo and picked up my boys. nana and pawpaw had kept the boys so happy and they were having a blast!

we stayed with nana and pawpaw saturday and got to see Niagara falls. all i can say is -wow. its funny, saturday was me and tims 10 year anniversary and i was at the falls by myself! thats totally on par for my life. a great milestone to celebrate, i get to niagara falls and my husband isnt there! :)

we spent the night with nana and pawpaw, then got up early and flew back sunday.

overall, i am EXHAUSTED, but we had a good time. sickness aside, it was a good, productive trip. but i am SO glad to be back in the south! no offense to those from the north, but we southerners do things a bit differently and quite frankly- i like it-. i struggled all week with a MONSTER little (big) boy and a QUICK 3 year old and i coulda been on fire and folks woulda (and did) walk around me up north. the second i got back into texas, i was struggling with a stroller on a shuttle and a sweet guy JUMPED up and picked up the entire stroller (lockett and all) and walked him off the shuttle and offered more help. he was a God send, and i was so happy to be back in the south!

here are some pictures from our trip.

our week....

2009-05-03T05:46:00.000-07:00

this week has been a bit crazy. we've been super busy. i guess every year during April and May things ramp up and get wild. We've been dealing with little lockett being sick. he's had a few issues we've had to address. one was a bacterial infection in his throat. UGH! poor guy- one issue we will keep under wraps for his sake but trust me when i say it is PAINFUL and sad. he's being the sweet goodhearted trooper he always is though.
best part of this week has to be my sweet husband. he has launched the official "tara week". I have been tired and overwhelmed with motherhood lately and my precious husband noticed. he took action and every night this week he has planned something for me that i love. he has gone above and beyond every night to have SOMETHING for me that relaxes me, feeds me, and ministers to me. a couple of the things he's done has been have my most precious friends over to eat out on our deck and sit around and talk until the wee hours. he's been in overdrive taking the kids off my hands and he even -get this- took me and both my sisters out dewberry picking. ALL DAY. he drove us around in his 4wheel drive truck and chauffeured us around while we gave the orders. i mean, he even sat in the truck with lockett and kept him happy. how was i so blessed!?
we've had a good week and here are a few of the pictures.

nothing but the truth.....

2009-04-30T12:30:00.000-07:00

have you ever had that absolutely sinking feeling in your stomach and you just know something's coming? well, moms--particularly moms of boys-- should pay pretty close attention to that feeling.

today was a special day. we had the kingdom kids mother's day tea. let me say, i think my stomach was in knots because the last kingdom kids mother event was so rough with harrison that i swore off all future program attendance. i came home after that last one and told tim he was on notice, never again would i attend by myself with two boys who were climbing walls. or more specifically UNDER TABLES. but i digress, TODAY i had the mother's day program so i put my big girl pants on and went anyway. AFTER i secured a babysitter for lockett :)

I arrived right on time and the kids came into the room and sang some songs and did a little tribute to moms. it was so sweet. BUT the very first thing they did was the teacher stood up and said, "we asked the kids some questions about their moms and we didnt censor ANY answers." enter sinking stomach.

the teacher began reading all the precious answers about their moms. all the answers were so sweet. the two questions i remember (and you'll see why) were:
1. when is your mom the prettiest?
2. when is your mom the funniest?

there were great answers like: when mom goes to church she is prettiest, and when mom is cooking, she is prettiest. or, when mom dances in the yard she is funniest, or when mom plays pretend with me she is funniest.

listen closely. here are harrison's answers:

so APPARENTLY, I sit around naked, watching tv, drinking starbucks all the time. nice. and the WHOLE church now knows. the truth is out. :)

heres a picture of harrison at the table where we sat together:

i had a great time anyway, harrison made me a potted plant and even with all the funny answers, i am the LUCKIEST mom on planet earth. thank you harrison! i love you. :)

markers

2009-04-19T15:04:00.000-07:00

for some strange reason i have these... well, markers, in my mind that i cant wait for. markers, moments in my life that i assume will happen and i get so excited when i see them happen. my college graduation, my wedding, the whole bunk bed thing..... i had seen those days in my mind for years then, suddenly, there it was, the day came. well, another marker happened this week. my boys taking a bath together. now, to clarify, i had put both boys in the tub at the same time once before but lockett wasnt able to sit up yet and it was a bit preemptive. this week, lockett was sitting in the tub and harrison came in and was striping before i realized it and was freaking out to get in the tub also. so i let him in and right before my eyes was another marker. my boys were PLAYING in the tub together. the markers are so bittersweet. the sweetness, that God allows me each and every one of the moments i've had so far. the bitterness, time is flying by. with the passing of each marker i realize just how quickly that marker came and now consequently is gone. here is my marker picture:

posing

2009-04-09T18:47:00.000-07:00

every month i make a trek to tyler, texas. one of my many jobs requires that i go there every month. but i was born and raised in tyler and i get to see my parents every month but more importantly, my parents get to see the grandbabies when we come. last night i laid in bed with harrison and asked him if he realized that when i was his age i slept in THAT room. the very same room. he asked me if when i was little were there moths in my room. (!?) i said no. we moved on. he asked me if Nina was my mommy. i smiled. i said, "yes harrison. your Nina was my mommy. she fed me lunch, made me dinner, let me play outside, took me to school,... she did all the things mommies do...". i thought it was neat that he got to sleep in our old childhood bed and play in the yard i played in. here is a video of us playing in the yard today. but to be very clear: we DID NOT, i repeat, DID NOT have a power wheels of any kind. nothing battery propelled. it was tess, tara, or stori propelled or it didnt go anywhere. BUT we did and always will have "friendly forest" :)

all that and a bag of chips...

2009-04-05T08:05:00.001-07:00

Saturday we went to the George Bush library Easter free for all. i dont think thats the actual name but it definitely was a free-for-all. in many fashions. one, everything was free. :) two, it was a HUGE crowd and it put toddler Easter egg hunting into the physical competitive sport category. as my precious friend shay explained the process to her son, "elbow jab, bend, snatch, egg in basket! elbow jab, bend, snatch, egg in basket!"
we had a BLAST though. we got there a bit early and scoped it out. we had a map and we timed everything perfect. you know with tim, everything is a competition. we got some cotton candy first, which harrison hated, then quickly got the grab bag with the coveted (??!) wooden Easter egg (calling it a white house replica is quite a stretch though. i am SURE the white house wooden eggs dont have a huge BTU logo on the front), then registered for the prize drawing, then ran to the Easter egg "push and grab", then HIGH-TAILED it to get pictures with the Easter bunny, then back to listen for the prize giveaways. after they finished calling our kids' age range (or so we thought) we headed for the car and we got into the parking lot and almost to our car when tim and i both heard over the loud speakers, "next winner, Harrison Suel!". Tim was holding lockett who had fallen asleep but that didnt phase tim. he took off at a dead sprint (you have to be present to win), lockett was like a limp rag doll, but he made it in time to collect harrisons rather good prize winnings. they really did a fantastic job at the George Bush Library. I will say it was one of the best things we've done as far as being involved in city sponsored activities. really a wonderful time.

shouldnt that be ME??!!

2009-03-30T06:14:00.000-07:00

it's been a while since i last updated, we have been very very busy. i thought i would give an overall update of each person's shenanigans.

tara- what have i NOT been doing? getting over shingles, taking care of sick kids, running a home business, traveling, gardening, getting ready for tess' GIGANTIC sale, cleaning, the usual mom overload...

tim- pink eye in both eyes, teaching, getting ready for school plays, leading worship at grace, HOG hunting (blechh), mowing (it's that time again!), on his down time being dad to two wild boys....

harrison- the flu, kingdom kids, playgroup, hog hunting with his dad, fishing, playing hard...

lockett- the flu, double ear infections, learning to sleep through till 7am (yeehaw!), learning to crawl, sitting up, latest trick- "shake your head", loving helping me outside! being happy in almost every circumstance (what a blessing!)...

i thought you'd enjoy a picture i hastily snapped of some of the shenanigans. notice: lockett, tim, AND aaron.

the chris suels

2009-03-18T12:04:00.000-07:00

i call them the "chris suels". they will be leaving soon in just a few short weeks. off to africa. they are taking with them, my precious nieces and nephews, one of my closest friends and sister, my husband's "buzzie", harrison's best friends, and my most faithful prayer partner. we will miss you guys more than we could ever express.

here is one of my favorite pictures. chris' face is priceless and zephanator, well, its just perfectly him.

free money

2009-03-14T15:34:00.000-07:00

im sorry i havent posted this week. i have strep throat and lockett is sick with something straight from the Pit.

so since i am just not up to writing this week, i offer a substitute.

http://www.pggascash.com/

freaked out redneck

2009-03-08T06:48:00.000-07:00

everyone is wanting to know......

yes. tim got his gun. not without a lot of hoopla though. BUT i did get all of my front flower beds weeded and mulched! so, maybe i won afterall.

the whole gun thing has brought a really ridiculous obsession with it. even harrison is getting in on it. i have never seen so much camouflage, bullets, and trucker hats nor have i ever heard so much redneck talk in all my life.

what happened to my artistic, alternative musician?!? he did a bait and switch! now all i've got is a gun totin', camouflage wearin', spittin', redneck. Lord, help me.

oh, and there are pictures of tim with the gun. but i refuse to post them. maybe someday i'll use them for bribing. they are so so so redneck.

And the "Crappy Mom of the Year Award" goes to....

2009-03-03T12:16:00.000-08:00

ME!! dont even bother entering the contest, i got this one. i win. hands down.

it started yesterday with an innocent trip to the mailbox. i walked out to get the mail and there was a strange letter in the mail. upon checking it out, i realized it was a bill for over $5,000. YIKES! it was for a student loan. i thought, jeeze some poor soul accidently used my social security number and now owes them big. but, no big deal i will get it straightened out. i called. nope. no mistake.

when i was going to school to get my certification to be a teacher, i did so under a "teach for texas" grant. it paid for my schooling as long as i completed 5 years of teaching in a shortage area. i completed 2 years before i got pregnant with harrison and then quit teaching to stay home. SO, looks like they want their money. they did say, however, if i can prove i worked those 2 years they will reduce the amount. so, by golly, i am gonna prove it! i had to get forms filled out from all over town and my mind was quite preoccupied with the whole mess, so this morning i called on my precious friend Kimberly to sit with lockett while i ran all over town getting forms filled out and harrison was at kingdom kids.

so, i was running around town like a chicken with its head cut off (thats just a gross, strange expression) and at about 11 o'clock i came home to pick up lockett from kimberly so she could go to class. After feeding lockett i decided i had time to run into walmart to get a few things before picking up harrison. so, i ran in and put lockett in the buggy and did a mad dash sprint through walmart. the cashier had finished ringing up my purchases and i realized i didnt have my wallet. uggghh. i mean seriously!!. with the line building behind me i looked helplessly at her and just said, "i dont have my wallet. what do i do??" she said, "run go it and i'll wait." so i did just that. i took off running to my car which was WAY on the other end of the walmart parking lot. about halfway to my car i realized that i had left lockett in the buggy.

my biggest fear, my absolute worst nightmare is that i will leave or forget my children somewhere. and here i am. i had the biggest 'oh crap' moment of my life. i couldnt breathe. i immediately turned around and ran back into the store and saw the ladies just playing with lockett as if IT WERE NORMAL! i just about cried. i said, "oh my gosh! i left my baby here!!" they smiled and said, "oh, we thought you left him with us on purpose."

okay, let me take a step back here and pause. WHAT??!! do you know that tells me that someone has, at some time, INTENTIONALLY left a kid to be watched by a cashier before!!?!

i wanted to absolutely die. even though my embarrassment faded rather quickly, because the women didnt seem bothered a bit, i cannot tell you how horrific i felt. i should be fired as a mom. WHAT WAS GOD THINKING WHEN HE MADE ME A MOM!!??!! my most precious, most valuable treasure on planet earth and i left him in WALMART. holy jeeze.

i struggled with whether or not to share this story for a couple reasons.
1. i dont want anyone to think this is normal and
2. i dont like looking like an idiot.

but i decided to share this anyway because
1. my family and friends with several kids will hopefully laugh and understand and
2. my family and friends without kids need to know mistakes happen.

all we can do is learn and grow. and i honestly think that when mom-guilt attacks, it is our responsibility as members of the mom club to encourage, uplift and crush guilt attacks for each other. so, if anyone is feeling mom-guilt today or in the near future, just realize we all make mistakes and go ahead, think in your head, "at least i didnt leave my kid at walmart".

VOTE

2009-02-28T06:24:00.000-08:00

tim and i have always settled our differences in a very mature, thoughtful manner. rock. paper. scissors. it always seems to settle even the most heated debate. its fair as fair can be. however, with this particular debate, rock, paper, scissors isnt cutting it. So, i thought i can be open minded enough to hear from our friends and family. here is the "discussion" : Tim wants to purchase a rifle. his aurgument is that almost any gun will hold its value (if not increase in value),its not terribly expensive ($400-$500), he'd be able to hunt with it, and, well, he wants it. he also states with our current political circumstances it may get harder to purchase guns. my arugument: I dont think its the right time for a big purchase. In this LEAN time, i think, cash in hand is better. so, i'd rather put the money in savings and have it in case of an emergency. so, we are at a stalemate. we are going to run this voting poll for 1 week. at the end of the week tim and i agree to hold to the voting results. PLEASE only vote once per person. Feel free to add comments as we will definately be interested in hearing for/against comments.
Here is a link to see the gun he wants to purchase.

harrison's vote

just the two of us

2009-02-26T13:29:00.000-08:00

today was a bit disorienting for me. i was a mom for only one baby today. tim's cousin died this week and her funeral was in Camden, Arkansas. tim, his mom, and harrison drove up last night to attend the funeral and see family. after my last road trip/hotel stay with lockett, i have decided it would be best not to travel with both kids for a while. at least until my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from that trip begins to fade.
but, i was left here with only one child. and my predominate thought?? what was i thinking when i thought ONE was hard? I remember, when harrison was a bitty baby, thinking that having one baby was hard. HA! i laugh at that now. what did i do with all that free time? one baby! but having only one child to take care of has been wonderful, easy, and we have had such sweet bonding time. i have pretty much been at locketts beck and call and he hasnt known what to do with me. he seems to be a lost sheep wondering around from room to room in his walker. he must be missing his fearless leader. with as much cheek smashing, body squishing, and karate chopping as lockett endures, he sure seems to miss his brother.

love

2009-02-23T15:32:00.000-08:00

occasionally, harrison and i will be sitting down working on something and have some very sweet time together. again, occasionally. well, recently harrison and i had this conversation:
harrison said, "mom, i really think you are a beautiful girl."
i said, "thank you harrison. and i think you are a really smart boy."
he said, "i love you. will you marry me?"
i smiled, "harrison, i am already married."
his smile disappeared and he said, "oh. when?"
i said, "i married your dad. about 10 years ago."
harrison said, "really? well, was i there?"
I said, "no."
harrison smiled and said," i know. i was in your belly, right?"
I said, "no baby. you werent. your dad and i got married because we love each other and then we had you."
harrison said, "well, i guess that's okay."

here is some sweet "talk time" we had together while "arting" :)

another day

2009-02-19T12:50:00.000-08:00

this post doesnt have some wonderful redeeming moral or point. its just a funny story. but for those of you who know me well, you'll say to yourself, yep. a typical "tara day". for those of you who dont know me well, heres just another day in my crazy life.
i went to tyler this week because i go once a month to be an accountant. one of the many hats i wear. i stay with my parents when i am there. during my visit i went to run errands with my mom. i had my two boys in my car in the backseat. they were, of course, securely strapped into their car seats. my parents live in a gated restricted estate community in the country. everybody knows everybody and all their business. as we drove up into my parents front circular driveway there was a woman walking down the road in front of my parents house. she had 7 large dogs with her. unbelievably, my mom did not know her. in this neighborhood everyone lets their dogs roam free. well the dogs were just roaming crazy. they were in my moms driveway, in her yard, in her flower bed. we drove up and got out of the car and my mom hollered at the woman to please get her dogs out of the yard because we were trying to get our kids out of the car. i mean, we couldnt even move- the dogs were all over us. as we had gotten out of the car i had left my driver side door open and my mom had left her door open. before we could react, one of the 120 pound sheep dogs had leaped into my car and headed for the backseat. i panicked and ran for the back door. i jerked the door open just in time to see the sheep dog about to stand on locketts face. i grabbed the dog and his hind legs and lifted with all my strength to keep him from scratching locketts face to pieces. the dog was enormous and his face was in harrisons face. harrison LOST it. he began screaming. as did my mom. my mom began some native american dance around my car screaming, "the babies, the babies, the babies!!!!" i yelled, "LADY! GET YOUR DOG OUT OF MY CAR!!!", as i held on for dear life to lockett. and let me tell you, a rage took over me. it was a holy momma rage. i was about to tear that dog limb from limb to save my babies. my mom got a hold of herself and with lightening speed unlatched harrison's flailing and screaming body and dragged him from the car. the lady was calmly walking over to the car. I finally was able to release the latch on the seat belt to get locketts car seat free and i pulled him out of the car. the dog was STILL IN THE CAR. the lady had FINALLY made her way to my side of the car. and, i admit it. i yelled at her, "GET YOUR DOG OUT OF MY CAR!!!". she calmly said, "honey, you dont need to be afraid of my dogs."
okay. seriously. i cannot communicate the level of my rage. again, in momma-rage mode, i yelled at the top of my lungs, "LADY. I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOUR DOGS. YOUR. DOG. WAS. STANDING. ON. MY. BABY'S. FACE!!!!!!". at this point the dog had gotten out of my car and she just looked at me and said, "i'll just stand here and let you say whatever it is you feel you need to say."
i was speechless. for about one nanosecond. she DID NOT want me to say what i wanted to say. so i yelled. "lady," and i motioned at all the dogs with my hands, "THIS is not healthy!"
i grabbed my babies and went into the house. i still wanted to tear the dogs into pieces. but more than that, i didnt get the lady's attitude. i mean. let me say this. everyone has off days. i get that. but in most cases, if you are the offender on one of those days, remorse goes a LONG way. had there been ANY remorse, or sorrow, or any hint that my child's FACE was important, it would've been a different story. so, maybe there is a moral here. i dont think i will easily forget this day. and i pray, that on the days that i am the offender -and there will be many- i PRAY i remember this day and show a little humility.

2009-02-17T09:35:00.000-08:00

i've always wondered, if i was going to fall with a baby in my arms would i drop the baby and try to break my fall instinctively, or would i forsake my body and protect the baby? well, i now know the answer. :)
one day i was coming inside my house from my garage and i was carrying lockett, who was sound asleep in my arms. he didnt even wake up when i pulled him out of the car seat. and harrison was right beside me dragging his linus blanket behind him. he was asking me a million questions and i entered into the laundry room with one hand free, balancing my bags and lockett, and punched in the code to my house alarm to disarm it. i took a few steps forward and right on top of harrisons darn blanket. he, not wanting to let go of it, stepped between my legs to free the blanket and i stepped sideways right onto locketts walker. the walker FLEW out from under my foot and sent me sailing. harrison scrambled, and i knew i was goin' down. i wrapped lockett up the best i could in my arms and landed squarely on top of the walker. it collapsed -no jokes please- and we went all the way down. my elbow came up to protect locketts head and i smacked the devil out of my elbow on our tile floor. as i cringed, i looked at locket to make sure he was okay. he was still tucked safetly in my arms, and he finally woke up and just grinned at me. i got up and surveyed the damage to the walker. it was a pile of rubble. flat as a pancake. i looked at harrison and he calmly walked over to the walker and kicked it hard. he said, "stupid walker". yep. he's a man.
so, i ached for days, but was glad to know my instinct was to protect my baby at all costs. oh, dont worry, when lockett is 16, i'll remind him daily that i sacrificed my body for him.

it's just us.

2009-02-12T13:30:00.000-08:00

so i believe the week of the flu epidemic is coming to a close for us. THANK GOD. however, in the midst of this mess i discovered a funny, but sad truth about our family. let me start from the beginning.
when tim discovered he had a 103 fever sunday night i knew we needed to head to the doctor. by the time we got there monday morning tim and harrison were both running 103. lockett's fever was lower but he definitely sounded worse. so, we showed up for our "family appointment" at our doctors office. we see a family practitioner who has a small office but is wonderful! so, we get there and i go to pull out locketts latest shot record and hand it to the receptionist. she holds her hand out waiting. i dig and dig in the diaper bag and voila! i pull it out. it is soaking wet and in two pieces. i look sheepishly at the receptionist and say, "it must've gotten juice on it...or maybe lockett chewed in it..." she politely grins and quickly drops her hand and says, "just show it to the doctor." then she says, "do you have your new insurance card?" YES! that i have it is a miracle and i am glad to drop the whole soaking wet shot record subject. i reach into my bag and pull out my card. it is melted. literally. it is plastic and it is curled and wrinkled and barely readable. she gives me the fake smile and says,"did lockett chew on it too?". I said indignantly, "no. i left it on the toaster." as if it was perfectly normal. she gives me that patronizing smile and takes the card between her first finger and thumb. uggg... i go to sit down and she says, "wait. please fill out these forms on lockett." he hadnt been seen by them yet. i sighed and said,"are you sure you wanna give me that?" looking at the nice crisp new fancy clipboard. she just fake grinned me.
i started filling out the forms and, shocker, lockett urps all down my sleeve. i put the clipboard down and as i do, it breaks. i just about laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of that. i finished up the papers, attempted to Mcgyver the clipboard so it wouldnt be noticeable, but only made it worse. i resigned myself to facing "the grin" again and got up and walked over to the desk. i handed it to her and said."i warned you," as i handed her the four pieces of the clipboard. she just said,"is it you? who does this in your family?" i replied, "it's all of us. we just break things. my mom used to say it's cause i'm left-handed." i am not sure i buy that theory anymore but we cant test it. tim's lefty. i'm lefty, harrison is probably lefty... so who knows. we ended the visit with harrison throwing up in the doctors office. nice.

here's a look at how lockett dealt with the flu.

my sand and waves...

2009-02-09T11:05:00.000-08:00

this week has been tough. everyone is sick but me. as i type with a headache, scratchy throat and some funk in my chest that is ungodly. even if i allowed myself to think i was sick, how does one go about taking time off from babies? 'cause if theres an answer, SIGN ME UP. i see other women out there joyfully serving hot tea to their sick husbands laid out on the recliner. but all i wanna do is scream, get you own dang tea! i wish i had that patience. i wish i had that servant heart.
late last night, as i worked furiously at my business (at home) and everyone else was tucked safely away in their beds, i swallowed the jealously like a lump of coal in my throat and exhaustedly laid my head down on my hand-me-down kitchen table (thanks liz). the coolness felt good to my forehead. and i caught a glimmer of something shiny out of the corner of my eye. it was a piece of sea glass. i have a basket on my table thats full of the shiny pieces of treasures. immediately in my storm of exhaustion and frustration, that tiny piece of broken abused tossed out glass brought an instant smile to my face.
ive often been asked why i collect the broken pieces of glass and there are so many things that come to my mind when i am asked that. but what brought the smile to my face last night was the memories. the memories of scuttleing (its a word. i think.) down an embankment to get to the maine shore to collect the pieces. the laughter and excitement when a great piece was found. the memory of aaron fantasizing that the piece he just found came from a pirate wreckage. the fun of watching my family all love the maine coast and time together. i remember laughing as tim instead of sticking to the task at hand, began skipping rocks in ever increasing sizes. :) and harrison eating rocks as a baby and us wondering if the tide was coming in and how much time we had before our car parked on the sand BAR of BAR harbor would be under water in the atlantic. those little broken pieces of discarded trash brought such joy and memories and literally provided a pick me up when i needed it so badly.
thanks god, for such beautiful creations. only god would take broken shards of glass that were littered into the ocean and have the ocean and sand carve them into shiny jewels. kinda like us.

pigs. seriously.

2009-02-06T14:04:00.001-08:00

so alot of you know i dont like meat. i dont like to eat it, look at it, touch it, or even think about it. its not a religous view, spiritual issue, or crusade. maybe it comes from growing up in a veterinarians house. always SAVING the animals. not eating them. or maybe it comes from following the chicken trucks to work for 2 years. i still am not sure what the fluid was that came from the chicken truck and splattered all over my car. maybe i dont want to know. whatever the reason, meat grosses me out.
then theres tim. its isnt a meal without meat. breakfast. meat. lunch. meat. dinner. meat meat. i have learned to deal. cook it, and shove it aside on my plate.
well, recently tim has become obsessed (thats not a poorly chosen or exaggerated word-OBSESSED) with pigs. hunting them, watching them, tracking them, baiting them. you name it. wild hogs in texas are prolific, nasty, and destructive. and tim thinks its a good idea to hunt them and bring the meat home. which he does successfully(unfortunately). and harrison is LOVING it. he loves to go out and track them down and come home telling me all about it. but a 3 year old knows few boundaries. here is a recent conversation between me and harrison.
"hey mom, what meat is this?" harrison stabs at his lump of carcass on his plate.
i answer, "it's meat. harrison. just eat it."
he says, "yeah, but is it cow, or pig, or chicken?"
tim interrupts. "it's cow, baby. its beef. yummy!" (probably out of fear of my tainting harrison against meat)
i grimace slightly. harrison says, "who killed it? who shot it and cut it up on my plate?"
tim says, "it came from the store." and grins as both he and harrison continually stab their meat and take big bites.
i take my plate to the sink.
underneath it all there is a silver lining. its an easy diet for me. now, if i could just get the enormous bag of m&ms off the counter.

by the way, i am pretty sure thats pig poo hes laying next to.

the Art in my life

2009-02-06T13:33:00.000-08:00

"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up." Picasso.

i really believe this. we are a house of artists. the boys, artists by the fact that they are children. tim, the musician and song writer. me? well, thats a little harder to define. for those very few, very loved friends of mine, you've seen my art in the form of a handmade journal. or perhaps you've stumbled upon my hidden drawings. regardless, i have always wished i was an artist. and i think, if i were more childlike in my approach to art, you'd all get to see it. I hide it for fear of it being judged. but this week i attended my son's art show at grace. he couldnt have been more proud. he showed his art to me absolutely beaming. and i thought, it was the very best art i have ever seen. that is not just from a mom being kind to her son. i think it comes from seeing his face. he was proud and, darn it, so was i.

getting it done

2009-02-02T06:59:00.001-08:00

I was outside working in the yard this weekend while the boys were napping and as i was dragging large piles of branches to the trash pile i had a thought. i thought this is a job for a energetic three year old. so i promptly put the banches down and waited for harrison to wake up. i thought we'd have fun working outside on a pretty day and i would get him nice and tired. :) but, to prevent any hesitation on harrison's part. i thought we should make it irresistible. here is the result.

the rhythm is gonna get you

2009-01-27T13:28:00.000-08:00

last night i walked in on a "jam session". after a few minutes harrison got angry about something. (3 year old. go figure.) i picked up my camera and started rolling. it's just so funny to me to watch harrison's face as his attitude changes. no comments about the "drums". in case you hadn't heard...we're in a recession. :)

such a good mommy.....

2009-01-25T12:35:00.000-08:00

this is an old video I stumbled across while organizing my snapfish albums. Its harrison. he was just barely over 12 months old. he was playing on this very old glider chair we have on the porch and when my back was turned he slipped down into a hole in the center. so, what does mom do? run to help? panic? check for injuries? oh heck no. run! grab the camera. and today, I am so glad i did. i cant believe how big my little man is now. this makes me laugh out loud. and tear up a bit. time moves so very fast.

playing with friends

2009-01-23T13:25:00.001-08:00

living in college station has been tough. i originally came here to go to school. like everyone one else here. i met tim here and we got married and we just never left. we've grown to love it here but it's tough. people come and go so much. i realize we live in a college town and every 4 years (okay- 5 for some-) we get a whole new crop of friends. and we lose a huge group of friends. but it's not just the college students. it seems as though this town also runs off our precious not college friends too. the merrymans, the redwines, the jameses, boozer, the parents-in-law, the brother and sister-in-law, i could go on and on. all day. i've seen so many friends leave that i think i want to start some kind of "state your intent" rule before becoming close friends. what are your intentions here in college station? do you plan to stay long term? what is your commitment level to staying here? i think if people answer those questions we can then determine our level of friendship. i am sort of kidding. i have been blessed with many friends but it is so painful to constantly be saying goodbye. all of this to say, today at our playgroup (the picture is from playgroup today), i was with a couple friends who i am so glad are here. they seem to be long term but as i drove away, i was struck with a fear, what if they leave too? then a settling thought. "we have eternity together. this life is but a blink." i am so glad that some of you guys have been a part of my blink.

lockett

2009-01-21T09:14:00.000-08:00

Lockett 6 months old. 1-21-09

My precious little lockett. he is just so very different than harrison. it's been a joy to watch two completely different personalities and BODIES come from the same two people. God is so good. here are a few little known facts about my lockett.

His name comes from my dad's family (EVERYONE always asks). The name lockett was the maiden name of a lady who married into the hadden family and from then on there was always a boy named lockett in the family until recently. the name disappeared and tim and i decided to bring it back. lockett's middle name is ray. tim's middle name. tim's dad's middle name. tim's dad's dad's middle name...... you get the picture.

Lockett was born early. a little over a month early because i was having serious heart problems. i was put on bed rest (total torture-you wouldnt think so, but it is) for a few weeks to try to keep lockett healthy, happy and INSIDE me. i went in for a regular visit (my one reason to get out of bed) on tim's birthday, july 21. it was supposed to be a check up because i was about a month away from my due date. the doctor realized my heart was in more trouble and it was affecting lockett. we went straight to have the c-section. on tim's birthday. lockett was born and was in a bit of respiratory distress and his blood pressure was struggling (probably because i had been on beta blockers for my heart). they took him to the NICU and took me to have sonograms and cat scans for heart and blood clot problems. i was fine except livid that i couldnt be with lockett. i just shut my eyes and prayed with fervor for lockett to be okay. i dont think i opened my eyes once during all the testing. several hours later they wheeled me in (on my bed) to see lockett in the NICU. i was only able to touch his foot. he was still struggling, on oxygen, and had doctors all over him. the neonatalogist assured me he would be okay. they drugged me a bit and wheeled me to my room. i passed out. tim paced the halls praying that lockett would make it. i was awoken 24 hours later and wheeled once again to see lockett. this time i held him and nursed him. wires and all. he was so little. the time went to fast. the next day when i was wheeled into the NICU to see him the neonatologist was waiting. he was smiling. he said. "can you tell we are all breathing easier? no texas children's hospital for this guy. he's really improved." my heart just lept out of my body. i felt like i could breath. then i panicked. the gravity of his situation settled on me. it's funny how i didnt really feel the weight of it until we were out of the woods. God's never ending grace.

tim in the nicu getting news.

my family, tim's family, our entire homegroup, and several precious friends from grace gathered to pray. and wait.

lockett has grown EVERY day since! he's HUGE, happy, and perfectly healthy. he is 6 months old now and laughs, squeals, rolls all around, and is very close to crawling. everyday i just marvel at him. he is sooo very happy. he always has a smile ready for you. i've even seen him smile at me while he was crying. he just couldnt help himself. :)

lockett 2 weeks old.

pieces of conversations from my week

2009-01-13T13:12:00.000-08:00

harris: “mom, what’s that on the wall?”
me: “it’s a cross”
harris: “because jesus died?”
me: “well, yes, jesus died on a cross.”
harris: “so we can go to heaven? And play with all the kids up there?”
me: “yes, baby.”

harris: “why is shipley’s donuts over the bridge?”
me: “because they built it there.”
harris: “the new one?”
me: “yes.”
harris: “because you said so?”
me: *smile*

harris: “mom, change me”
me: “WHAT??! Are you serious?you didn’t….”
harris: “yes, i did. Are you angry?”
me: “yes.”
harris: “i love you. now are you angry?”

harris: “why is our baby screaming?”
me: “because he’s teething”
harris: “what?”
me: “he’s getting new teeth. i gave him medicine. and kissed him. he’ll stop screaming soon.”
harris: “oh, you are such a good mom”

me: “why is he crying? what did you do?”
harris: “i bit him.”
me: “WHAT? you bit him? where? how? why!!?”
harris: “on his finger. It just looked good.”
me: “new rule. Never bite your brother.”
me: “how hard did you bite him? Like really, really hard or sorta hard?”

seriously though...

2009-01-10T09:12:00.000-08:00

when i saw this picture my first thought was whoa! what happened to my baby boy?! then i got scared. i realized i married a musician who in turn will probably make musician kids. tim has been pushing hard to get harrison a drum set and i have been pushing right back, thinking,

1. i am "noise sensitive"
2. musicians can SOMETIMES run in a strange crowd
3. artists are moody (speaking from experience)
4. i am "noise sensitive"

but, as i watch my precious baby growing up and grabbing every available guitar, drum stick, or djembe, and in the car constantly saying, "song please! song please! louder mom!!" i am slowly beginning to realize i am not sure i can prevent the inevitable. so, i am opting to tell myself (and pray with fervor) that my boys will be worshippers (not just musicians) and when i am walking around with ear muffs on to drown out the noise, just know, as strange as it looks, i am sacrificing comfort (as all moms do) so my boys can be worshippers.

through the eyes........

2009-01-06T14:00:00.001-08:00

for christmas we bought harrison one of those fisher price "kid-proof" (we'll see!!) digital cameras. and we just let him go. here are a few of the pictures he took- life through the eyes of a three year old. click here to see entire album.

boys in bunks

2009-01-06T12:55:00.001-08:00

i cant believe this day is here. tim and i always talked about having boys in bunk beds some day in our house. well, we -meaning tim and aaron- put together our bunk beds. harrison is still a bit little to sleep on the top but we didnt want to buy beds twice so we took the plunge, bought the bunk beds and harris sleeps on the botton but i know before i turn around he'll be on the top bed and my little lockett will be on the bottom. when tim and i talked about having boys in bunk beds we were barely married and the actual thought of having kids was far, far off. but look at us now. bunk beds.

mr wonderful

2009-01-03T15:02:00.000-08:00

obviously this blog is mostly and WILL be mostly about my two boys but i just had to post about my hero husband. my husband is very talented and leans to the artistic side of the thinking realm. which, well, doesnt always lend itself to RATIONAL thinking. but this week our dryer broke. it was spinning its heart out but no heat. i about went into melt down because with a three year old and a 6 month old, laundry is an everyday NECESSARY task-as i type with spit up on my shirt-. tim didnt skip a beat. i was melting down about the expense AND the time it would take to get a repair man to our door. tim came home, took the back off the dryer and HELLO! he fixed it. imagine that. i was just so thrilled, as this is normally out of his comfort area. so, now, on top of his many, many skills, i add: dryer repair man. :)

christmas

2008-12-25T17:06:00.001-08:00

i have been interested in learning more about photography and i just LOVE this effect. this is my precious lockett. those are christmas lights in the background. he is 5 months now. time is flying.